Where to begin?
I have a dreadful cold. It's in my nose, my sinuses, my ears, my throat, my chest. Dreadful. I caught this cold somewhere, somehow during the last week, which involved air travel, two days in Dis.ney.Wo.rld, two hotels, and a conference filled with thousands of people. It was like the perfect storm of cold-catching.
Perhaps this cold is part of why I'm in this mood. Things should be seeming fairly rosy this week. I'm quite busy at work, which I like; Thanksgiving - the most pie-centric holiday of the year - is this week, and I'm baking at least three pies for the occasion; I just came across The Princess Bride while channel surfing (score!).
But as Westley just said, "We are men of action; lies do not become us." And I feel like I'd be lying to myself if I said I were happy right now.
I had a talk with my mom today. Mostly, I was venting about stuff. The summary of my vent follows:
I want to move forward with learning about adoption. Husband does not.
I am prepared to make sacrifices to meet our financial goals. Husband lives as if he is not.
I want our marriage to involve more time together and for us to have more equal roles. After more than four years, Husband continues to be incapable of doing this. (When we have serious conversations about this, he's all "I swear it shall be done," but we all know how that turns out).
I don't like to complain about my marriage on here. I love Husband so, so much, and I often remind him that if I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't care about how much he was away from me. My mom suggested something that my sister and Novie have both suggested to me before, but that I've never done. Going to a counselor. Husband would not go with me, I've asked him in the past, and I feel like there's no point in talking to someone about my marriage without my partner in marriage. I can be quite objective about things at times, and sometimes when we have our serious talks, I take up two roles: counselor and wife. It can be confusing. And this isn't to say that Husband doesn't try very hard sometimes. He's traveling again and just sent me a big kiss via text. It makes me feel like an ungrateful witch.
But I'm just not happy and I don't know how to fix it. I'd love any thoughts you have. Or chocolate-covered miracle pills. One of those would be good, too.