Friday, May 30, 2014

Aunt Flo, is that you?

Back to the TMI, bodily-functions-themed posts. I know you've missed them.

I think my period has started. Except I didn't have any evidence of ovulation. So, November said it might be a hormone shift that is causing bleeding that isn't officially menses. I have a question in with the Marquette forum as to how tell what it is, which will hopefully tell me how to handle it. My monitor only showed that I peaked the one other time several months ago, and it turned out not to have been an actual ovulation.

Sooo, whether this is CD 1 or not, I can tell I'm having some sort of hormone shift because my emotions are all over the place. I was practicing a front cross carry wrap with a woven that I'm borrowing from the babywearing club that I joined, and I almost cried because it wasn't "perfect." Yep, the hormones they are a-changing.

I am also realizing that as my cycle returns, Husband and I are going to have to start thinking more critically about TTA versus TTC. While we've been treating my post-partum time thus far as one in which we are avoiding pregnancy, as the Littleface grows, the less urgently I feel the need to avoid, because I'm more myself again, less lost in the new-mother fog.

I've been going about life and thoughts on future children as if our fertility issues are behind us. If I had to spend every day thinking that Littleface is the only child I will parent, oh dear, I just don't know how I'd do it. I'd become super maudlin. But now if my cycles are returning, I will have to acknowledge that we may or may not have a more finite window than we'd like in which we can "beat" the endo from taking over. If that's what the issue was in the first place.

I am dreading having this conversation with Husband. I am almost positive that he and I will not be on the same page. I'm not even on the same page with myself. My heart says that if my cycle returns, we should not avoid. My head says that I need to rejoin the working world in some capacity so that our income situation at the very least is improved. How do I quiet all of that down and hear what God is saying? I wish Husband and I were any good at praying together. I feel like that would help.

Ok, that was not eloquent at all, but at least it's out. Whew.


1 comment:

  1. Discernment is HARD!!! But it is a good conversation to have with your DH - maybe he would have some good input? Sometimes my DH surprises me with his comments and I will think about it from another angle as a result.
    Regardless - I'll pray for you both! Hopefully the little Miss is sleeping through the night and giving you some rest in that area? I know that helped the "new mother fog" lift. Isn't sleep wonderful? :-D