Dreams

Last night, I dreamt that I was pregnant.

 

If I had to gauge it, I'd say I was probably 4 months along, somewhere between looking like I've been gaining weight and actually looking like I was pregnant. I was with November and another mutual friend, and I think we were at an amusement park, of all places. We all kept commenting that here I was, pregnant when I had worried about it for so long, and how wonderful it all was.

 

Of course, I woke up, and now I'm sad.

 

I don't always remember my dreams, but I do tend to have vivid ones. They are also very obviously influenced by the things I've seen, read, and talked about during the day. Last night before bed, I watched the season premier of B.ones, where Dr. Brenna.n. is pregnant with B.ooth's baby. I know that my dream last night was a direct result of watching that episode, so it's not like I can whimsically pretend that my mind is willing my body to be pregnant. Also, I'm all crampy because it's the beginning of my cycle, so I think my mind was really trying to process why the heck my middle section feels so uncomfortable. It found Dr. Brenn.an and here we are.

 

Over the last week or so, I've actually had a number of dreams that were kind of disturbingly related to reproduction. I'm thinking about ovulation, reading a book about two young men looking for eggs during the siege of Leningrad in WWII, and I dreamed a horrible dream that I laid an egg. I'd been wondering if Husband and I will be foster parents someday (it's something I used to think would be a good idea after we'd had kids of our own) and I dreamed that we had taken in our first foster child, but that we then completely forgot about her existence until someone else brought it up the next day. That was the worst dream of all that week.

 

I guess dreaming that I'm pregnant isn't that weird, I just really wish it were still true when I woke up.

 

-January