Sunday, November 27, 2011

Keeping it in the Family

When I told my mom that Husband and I were having trouble conceiving a baby, she said that she was surprised. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t know what to say. I didn’t have any trouble in that area.” She was nice about it, and our private conversation was interrupted by a family member, but she admitted that she couldn’t really empathize. My mom is a wonderful mother, but she also isn’t known for being very emotive, so on this topic that can get me so worked up, I knew that she’d be very practical about the situation. It’s helpful in some ways, and she does an admirable job of listening to my fretting.  But sometimes I selfishly wish she could empathize a little bit.

Since I spoke to my mom this summer, I have learned that two of my aunts experienced infertility.  My father’s sister experienced 5 years of infertility after getting married, and she and my uncle were never able to conceive. They eventually used IVF to have my two cousins. This aunt’s fertility journey was not an easy one, and her words of advice for me have been to just try to enjoy my time with Husband and for us to make an effort to take trips and be busy together.

My Godmother, one of my mother’s sisters, pulled me aside after Thanksgiving dinner last night (yes, we have several Thanksgiving celebrations!) and told me that my mom hadn’t known at the time, but she had had trouble conceiving her first child. After 18 months of trying, her doctor started the routine tests. They hadn’t figured out what was wrong yet, but a couple of months after her HSG she did conceive a baby!
I was really glad that she opened up to me. I don’t know if my story will be similar to hers, but I’m finding myself comforted to know that there is someone in my family who didn’t conceive a child quickly, but eventually did give birth to three sons. It gives me hope!


  1. Isn't it nice to find hope in others 'success' stories?

    Prayers for you.

  2. It is nice! And a little unexpected. Thanks for the prayers, Rebecca. -Jan

  3. I'm sorry that your mom wasn't more sympathetic. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but I know how much comfort I seek from my mom about things - and I hope that you get that.
    My mom had trouble conceiving me (they tried for 4 years). She never had any fertility testing (back in 1981 & prior) and says that once she learned to relax, that's when it happened. Yep. That's what she told me: Relax. It will happen. Now that I've had three surgeries, I think she's finally getting the hint that relaxing wouldn't have done me a bit of good.
    It really warmed my heart to read that your aunt confided in you about her struggles and successes(!). Its nice to have someone to talk to that's been in the same boat you're in, regardless of the situation.
    Praying for you!

  4. It's crazy how people come out of the wood work when it comes to infertility. Jan and I were talking the other day about how the assumption is that a couple is happily childless, when that is not always the case. It helps me remember not to judge.