I hope you like S.tarWars, prayer buddy!
Husband and I went to see Dr. C for a follow up this morning. I feel pretty miserable right now, so I'd just like to ask for your prayers to get through this time, this week, this hour. I'll share more later, I'm just not quite ready to write about it yet.
Just to fill in the situation here, at the follow up yesterday morning, the doctor gave me a scrip for two months of T.amox.ifen (apparently my estrogen could be a smidge higher) and she said that the next thing to do, when we're ready to investigate further if the medicine doesn't work, would be to do a laparoscopy. I was surprised and dismayed that there wasn't more investigating to be done before going in for surgery to have a look around. (Well, to be clear, Husband hasn't done the SA yet, and we'd want to do that first). I had thought surely there'd be other sorts of steps to accomplish first.
After the appointment, Husband and I had a long talk, and I suddenly realized that he's not on the same page as me about looking into this. We both have reservations about surgery, but Husband is willing to wait a really long time before acting on this. He suggested that if the SA is normal but the medicine doesn't help, we wait "a year, and just try to relax and not stress about it. Maybe it'll just happen." I'm sorry, but if you haven't noticed, honey, telling your infertile wife to relax is the worst thing you could do in this situation.
He still expects it to just happen by surprise. That we'll get that joyful BFP as if by accident.
I thought that he understood that it's not likely to happen. It's possible, I guess, but every month that goes by now, the chances grow more remote. And he isn't paying enough attention to realize that this is breaking my heart, and no amount of ignoring it in an attempt to relax is going to fix things.
This all also happened in a week where we're at odds in another area of our marriage. Finding out that we're not on the same page with babymaking too means that we have to work on our marriage as a whole before moving forward with any sort of investigation or possible fertility solutions.