It's been ages since I've written anything! After the emotional return of AF (which you got to read about), and then the steeling of my will to bear down and fight, I decided to get my prescription for Tamoxifen (20mg) filled and took that on CD 3-7 this month. While I took it, I didn't notice any side effects they warned about, like hot flashes, (I think it's a pretty low dose), but I have did have a bit of a dry spell of CM. That made me nervous (and I'm still hoping things pick up enough so that I can identify Peak, which I'm already bad at, because I need to have a P+7 blood draw one of the two cycles that I am on the tamoxifen) but a couple of people posted about their dryness on Clomid, which assured me that this is probably a normal side effect. I've also had higher temps way earlier in my cycle than I ever have before. I'm guessing this is a side effect too.
As you can tell, and I may have mentioned before, I currently chart STM. Because so many people use Creighton, when I last went to my Napro-trained doctor, she surprised me by suggesting that I use Marquette. I talked to Husband about our options, and bless his heart, he didn't know what to say. He never really bothered to learn STM with me, so he isn't even sure how they would all differ. I sort of floundered for a bit after that and just felt stuck.
Last week, Rebecca wrote a post about why she and her DH use NaPro. She also linked to a post by Rae about why she, on the other hand, was not using NaPro. I so appreciated the opposing viewpoints of these reflections, and they both really helped me think about my choices for medical care. Husband is still having a hard time digesting our IF status, so it's hard to have a fruitful conversation with him about what we would or wouldn't be willing to pursue down the road. I know that I am still on board with having a laparoscopy if the tamoxifen doesn't help get the job done, but I also realized that we'll probably not be ready to go to Omaha any time in the next few years. When I asked in the past why everyone charts Creighton, the answer that came back was that Napro docs use it, and in particular that Dr. H uses it. Because my Napro-trained doc suggested something else, and I'm probably not going to be working with PPVI soon, I figure Marquette will serve for now. She didn't say this, but I'm guessing Dr. C suggested it because I don't have confidence in my CM observations, and maybe she is worried that I'm not ovulating, which would be the reason for the tamoxifen anyway. My charts have never been picture-perfect, and I do have a hard time identifying Peak. I am hopeful that this will help. It also feels good just to have made a decision. I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of my monitor in the mail!
But wait, there is not only IF news!
I'd told Husband last year that I wanted to learn more about Catholic bioethics, in order to be able to have the hard conversations that come up so often with friends, family, and others who don't believe in the sanctity of human life. So for Christmas, he bought me a couple of books by Fr. Robert J. Spitzer, S.J., Ph.D.. I'm reading Ten Universal Principles: A Brief Philosophy of the Life Issues and learning a lot! And, dare I say, I'm enjoying it? I hated my college philosophy course and generally feel like my mind just doesn't work the right way to understand philosophers. As I read, I'm keeping a journal of what I'm learning AND I'm underlining key sentences in the book, which is something I'd normally never do. Maybe the key to learning philosophy is learning something that I'm really interested in, and not just the prescribed 101 curriculum. I plan to post what I learn along the way here, as another way to help me understand all of this. I have to be able to explain it, then hopefully engage with others about it.
Work has entered a particularly stressful period. I knew this was coming (the end of year reviews), but I didn't know just how many other important work things these reviews would coincide with. I'm telling myself that I WILL get it all done and that I just need to stay focused. I don't usually reject a day off, but this could not have been a worse-timed three day weekend. Some work got done at home, though, so in the end I suppose it was nice to sit on the couch with my cat while doing research. It seems like the key to handling anything is trying to handle everything all at once. That way, I don't have time to fret about any particular problem. I'm thankful that it's shaping up to be a busy rest of winter and spring!