Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Very High, Then Very Low

First the happy part: Husband and I just got back from a four day vacation! It was so wonderful. We went to Charleston, SC. It was warm, the azaleas were blooming, and Husband and I got to have four days of each others undivided attention. We need to take long weekend trips more often!

Now the awful part: I think I'm about to get fired. When I got in from vacation on Monday morning, I learned that a new person has been hired who will be, among other things, taking over my favorite part of my job. It's the reason I do this job. I'm so distressed about that. When I checked in with el presidente, he simply said "The question YOU have to answer is how are you going to handle the rest of 2012? You are lagging behind. What is your plan?"

So, I got to working on writing up my plan for him, at the same time of feeling the terrible dread that this would go nowhere good. For a little back story, my former supervisor was fired two years ago, and my current situation has lots of parallels to that one. Not good.

Unfortunately (yes, things got worse) I have a project that the guy who was my main boss until the end of January had approved of in a certain way. Last week, el presidente and a bunch of other people decided that I was being "fairly ridiculous" (yes actual words) in my expectations for this project. This week, the client asked me what was going on, and I briefly explained to her the changes in the plan. She is understandably really upset, and she talked about bringing in her lawyer to resolve this. I told my current supervisor this, and she said I had to tell el prez. When I told him, what I expected was something along the lines of "Well crap, I guess we have to do it the way you proposed in the first place." What I got was "What did YOU say to her that she is calling her lawyer?" And later in the day, the piece de resistance was telling me that I had been "incredibly foolish" and copying the director of HR. What is that if not a big, honking threat that I'll be fired?

I seriously couldn't stop myself from bursting into tears over and over yesterday. As I write this, I'm trying to choke down my breakfast, but my stomach is all tied up in knots.

When I got home from work yesterday, I said my special prayers that I've been praying for my prayer buddy (and if you could all include a special intention for my prayer buddy today, it would be so awesome), then I prayed a rosary looking for peace in my own heart. If I'm going to be fired, I just want to be fired. I don't want to come into work every day and not know whether the firing squad is shooting blanks or live ammunition.



  1. Oh, how awful! I will pray that another, more awesome job comes your way and you can leave this horrible job and boss behind. He sounds so full of meanness.

  2. I'm so sorry! This sounds like a really toxic work environment. Today I'll pray that you can get a job with a sane boss!

  3. I know you have stopped by at my blog a few times and I'm embarrassed to say it's taken me so long to return the favor!

    I totally feel for you on the job thing. Such a horrible feeling when you worry that your job is in jeopardy. I actually was fired was horrible, such a toll on the self esteem. Sorry, I guess I'm not helping here. I guess I'm just saying I understand what you're feeling.

    Here's a funny story to cheer you up: a case where I SHOULD have been fired. I got to work, turned on my computer and shot a co-worker an email, something about how I really didn't feel like being there that day, that my job was so boring, and I hoped that Jeff (my boss) wouldn't come by to stand over me and make idle chit-chat like he did every day to just check up on me. When I hit "send" I realized I had accidentally sent it to my boss!

    When I realized my mistake, I was frozen to my seat with this feeling of pure horror and dread. I was sititng there, wondering if I should save myself the humiliation of being fired and just quit when my boss came up to me and said, "Hi Becky, how are today? I hope you're job isn't too boring for you. Got enough work to do?"

    So he obviously saw the email. Of course, I never admitted that I sent it, even though I knew he saw it.

    He was actually pretty kind about it, just had to give me a little heck for it, which I deserved. Still can't believe he didn't fire me or write me up for that! :-)

    Prayers for your job!

  4. Not fun! I've been in situations where I've wondered whether I would be keeping my job, and I do NOT like it. I hope things resolve soon!

  5. Ugh! I'm so sorry I'm late to commenting (I really do not understand why my reader and blogger list refuses to accept that I've tried to follow your blog at least 10 times - which means I really want it to show up in my list!!!!).

    Anyway...I am so sorry for all you are going through...such big stress. Please know that you are in my prayers every day (even when technology is not our friend).

    1. I think 85% of the time, blogger tells me that I'm following no blogs at all, which is untrue!

  6. OH, how nervewracking!!! I'm so sorry. Your leaders sound like a bunch of fools and jerks and other unmentionable words. My stomach would be in knots too. I will be praying for you.