I’m coining a new word: pregdar. At least, I’ve never heard it before. But some people have radar for things, and pregnancy is doubtless one of them. I think being IF makes one especially sensitive to the pregnancies of others, and any signs of pregnancy. You begin to sense it all over the place!
Allow me to illustrate:
As I mentioned yesterday, friends of ours announced their pregnancy to us on Saturday (no news, but it doesn’t sound like there’s been any improvement, sadly). However, I saw them two weeks ago at a wedding, and I just knew she was pregnant. It turns out they must have just gotten their BFP a few days before.
Last week, my SIL texted Husband to call her sometime soon. Being Husband, he did not call her back for a few days. I kept nagging because it was so obvious to me that she wanted to tell him that she was expecting. He finally called her back yesterday, and she is! (This is something I’m still processing, I think, but I have texted her to put in a request for a niece).
However, the true test of my pregdar accuracy is currently ongoing. I have a coworker to whom I’ve become close over the years, and when Husband and I officially became infertile, I shared with her the situation. At that time, she told me that she and her DH had been trying for 7 months and that she was beginning to be distressed about it. Apparently it’s a joke in her family about how she and both of her sisters were conceived in defiance of some kind of birth control, and her sisters both conceived their kids pretty easily. I tried to comfort her, but in truth, the fact that knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling to conceive whom I could find in real life was a relief to me! She joked that it was good that I was going down the path before her, so I could let her know what to expect. She and her DH reached the one year point and beyond, and saw the doctor. She started going to an acupuncturist to try to get her cycles to be even. We’d take walks together on our lunch breaks and share a bit about what was going on. It was so comforting not to be alone.
However, she has been setting off my pregdar big time. Why?
1)She refused sushi at the end of March, saying she didn’t eat raw fish. I have definitely eaten sushi with this girl before, but I shrugged it off at the time, thinking either she was in the 2WW or maybe she really did only eat cooked sushi and I was misremembering our previous sushi outing.
2)She came home with me at Easter because her DH had to take a trip and her family isn’t in the area. She refused alcohol, and she tried food that I know she’s sensitive to. And it didn’t make her sick.
3)We’ve taken a few walks lately, and she’s mentioned nothing about TTC. Now, she’s not an overly sharing person, but we usually trade at least a little bit, even if it’s just an acupuncture story. These days, though, nada.
4)This might sound crazy, but it looks to me like she’s starting to gain the tiniest bit of weight. She bought herself a new shirt this weekend (rare for her) and it’s super flowy, and floats away from the body. Perfect for hiding a small, summer, baby bump. Also, I’ll just say it, because I’m analyzing everything about this poor girl; her boobs look bigger.
5)Finally, she just seems happier. More at peace. It’s how I think I would be if Husband and I finally managed to make a baby.
If she is, I’m happy for her. I wish she would tell me, though, and put me out of my misery. One thing that I love about the online Catholic IF community is that every BFP is celebrated, because every life is celebrated, and we’re assured of each other’s prayers and support no matter what happens. I thought me and my coworker’s bond over IF was such that she’d tell me when her BFP happened. I understand why she might not want to, but it also makes me feel like she’s crossed over to the other side, the motherhood side, and it’s somewhere I can’t follow.
What do you think? Could pregdar be real? Do you get a sense when people around you become pregnant before they tell you?