Tuesday, May 8, 2012


I’m coining a new word: pregdar. At least, I’ve never heard it before. But some people have radar for things, and pregnancy is doubtless one of them. I think being IF makes one especially sensitive to the pregnancies of others, and any signs of pregnancy. You begin to sense it all over the place!

Hence, pregdar.

Allow me to illustrate:

As I mentioned yesterday, friends of ours announced their pregnancy to us on Saturday (no news, but it doesn’t sound like there’s been any improvement, sadly). However, I saw them two weeks ago at a wedding, and I just knew she was pregnant. It turns out they must have just gotten their BFP a few days before.

Last week, my SIL texted Husband to call her sometime soon. Being Husband, he did not call her back for a few days. I kept nagging because it was so obvious to me that she wanted to tell him that she was expecting. He finally called her back yesterday, and she is! (This is something I’m still processing, I think, but I have texted her to put in a request for a niece).

However, the true test of my pregdar accuracy is currently ongoing. I have a coworker to whom I’ve become close over the years, and when Husband and I officially became infertile, I shared with her the situation. At that time, she told me that she and her DH had been trying for 7 months and that she was beginning to be distressed about it. Apparently it’s a joke in her family about how she and both of her sisters were conceived in defiance of some kind of birth control, and her sisters both conceived their kids pretty easily. I tried to comfort her, but in truth, the fact that knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling to conceive whom I could find in real life was a relief to me! She joked that it was good that I was going down the path before her, so I could let her know what to expect. She and her DH reached the one year point and beyond, and saw the doctor. She started going to an acupuncturist to try to get her cycles to be even. We’d take walks together on our lunch breaks and share a bit about what was going on. It was so comforting not to be alone.

However, she has been setting off my pregdar big time. Why?

1)She refused sushi at the end of March, saying she didn’t eat raw fish. I have definitely eaten sushi with this girl before, but I shrugged it off at the time, thinking either she was in the 2WW or maybe she really did only eat cooked sushi and I was misremembering our previous sushi outing.

2)She came home with me at Easter because her DH had to take a trip and her family isn’t in the area. She refused alcohol, and she tried food that I know she’s sensitive to. And it didn’t make her sick.

3)We’ve taken a few walks lately, and she’s mentioned nothing about TTC. Now, she’s not an overly sharing person, but we usually trade at least a little bit, even if it’s just an acupuncture story. These days, though, nada.

4)This might sound crazy, but it looks to me like she’s starting to gain the tiniest bit of weight. She bought herself a new shirt this weekend (rare for her) and it’s super flowy, and floats away from the body. Perfect for hiding a small, summer, baby bump. Also, I’ll just say it, because I’m analyzing everything about this poor girl; her boobs look bigger.

5)Finally, she just seems happier. More at peace. It’s how I think I would be if Husband and I finally managed to make a baby.

If she is, I’m happy for her. I wish she would tell me, though, and put me out of my misery. One thing that I love about the online Catholic IF community is that every BFP is celebrated, because every life is celebrated, and we’re assured of each other’s prayers and support no matter what happens. I thought me and my coworker’s bond over IF was such that she’d tell me when her BFP happened. I understand why she might not want to, but it also makes me feel like she’s crossed over to the other side, the motherhood side, and it’s somewhere I can’t follow.

What do you think? Could pregdar be real? Do you get a sense when people around you become pregnant before they tell you?



  1. Pregdar (which I have never had an actual name for but will definitely be using this term from now on!!!) is DEFINITELY real...there are too many occasions to speak of to prove my point however, so just know that I side with you that it is indeed real. So real.

  2. Pregdar is completely real and an awesome name for it! My husband laughs at me every time I make a prediction, and then gives me a shocked look when the prediction comes true. My specialty...TV show pregnancies - I can spot those coming a mile away. Thanks for coining the term!

    1. TV show pregnancies - wow, you are good! I am definitely not at that level yet.

  3. It is definitely real. And, it makes me mad when people wait to tell me that they are pregnant. It makes me feel like they were lying to me for 12 weeks. And, I don't get why you wouldn't want to celebrate it and ask everyone to pray for you.

    1. I'm trying not to be upset, but I'm struggling. Of course this will all be moot if it turns out my pregdar is wrong here! I can understand why maybe you wouldn't want to tell the whole world, but a friend who has been supporting you through TTC? Come on! That's someone who wants to support you now!

  4. Pregdar.. is real.. at least for me. I can tell when my SIL's are pregnant.. it annoys my husband too, he always says how do you know? The other annoyance the only time they call him, is to tell him they are preggers or they just had a baby. BTW.. most of their kids go nameless for the first week, or names get changed, cuz they can't decide. You had 9 months to figure out a girl/ boy name.. When it arrives you should have that all set.

    1. Haha, I'm surprised that it's most of their kids - you'd think maybe just one SIL would struggle with that, not all of them!

  5. I'm positive pregdar is real, and that I do not have it. From now on I'll just ask you Jan to give me the analysis of someone I am wondering about :)

    That would be a bummer for your coworker to not be telling you. But if she isn't maybe they are just worried about miscarriage. I have relatives who always wait the first twelve weeks because the idea of miscarriage is so scary.

  6. I believe pregdar is real, but don't have the knack for using it as you do. :-). Sometimes it's easier to have pregdar than be blindsided. I'd be looking at all the signs of your coworker and thinking the same way. I'm just sorry that she doesn't know how to tell you ... may e the next TTC conversation drop in something about liking to get news about Pg via email/text/letter or what ever method you prefer hen maybe you will hear something. Or share online about the blogs you read (no you don't have one, lol) and how you celebrate their BFPs and pray for them. Maybe that will get her to open up. If you want to know ....

  7. I totally believe Pregdar is real.

    I am praying for your friend :(...I'm pretty sure NaPro considers 2 miscarriages under the "recurrent pregnancy loss" and will address it aggressively - though I'm praying that it doesn't come to that!

    As to the co-worker, well, now I'm wondering if you got your answer, but if not, I would say can you just ask her? I'd leave out the part about gaining some weight though :) - maybe just say "I've noticed a few things, and I understand it might be hard to tell me, but if you are pregnant, I will rejoice with you." Though, might I suggest you do this in an email, so if she IS pg she will tell you in an email and then you can react authentically in the privacy of your own home, ready to be joyful when you see her next.

    Anyway - it's a tough situation this feeling left behind.

    Praying for you!