J is five months old now. I am so amazed at how fast his babyhood is going by. He just got his first two teeth a few weeks ago which was painful for all of us. The differences between L's early months and J's are striking. They have made me realize how much A and I have grown as parents and as people in two years. As wonderful and new as L's first months were they were marked blatantly with fear: fear of parenting well, fear of doing things right, fear of messing up. And although we still get nervous and fearful occasionally, we have felt quite confident with J. We have hit our parenting groove so to speak.
That fear we felt with our first is quite small with our second. I suspect it gets smaller with each additional child a family adds. We know what we are doing and don't constantly second guess ourselves as we did the first time. I have not cracked open one baby book during pregnancy or babyhood with J. SIDS (the unrelenting fear of parenting a baby) has rarely crossed my mind.
Granted some things have been difficult like learning to parent two kids at once. Going to the grocery store by myself with the kidlets is pretty tricky, and juggling two sleep schedules can be a bit overwhelming. But that feeling of knowing what I am doing is quite exhilarating. It has allowed me to really enjoy his little baby self, and even to enjoy L more. I can focus on my kids rather than on what I am supposed to be doing.
The fear of parenthood is mostly gone. Sure I still worry about parenting teenagers occasionally, but I figure we will work it out as we go, just as we have in the last two years. I'm sure parenting curve balls will get thrown at us, but I hope we can hold onto this peacefulness that J's birth has given us.