This week, I lost my job. At the meeting that was supposed to be about setting new first quarter goals, the HR director told me that it's obvious that I am incapable of doing this job, so they were terminating me immediately.
I knew it was a possibility, but it was still a surprise. It makes me angry that my supervisor did not stick up for me at all. I don't know if he agrees with the HR manager (who doesn't know me at all, by the way) that I am incapable of doing the job, or if he was just more concerned about keeping his own job, so he didn't want to stick his neck out.
Some of my coworker friends helped me pack up my cubicle, took me out to lunch, and then I packed up my car and drove away. Of course, I forgot my lunchbox, so I had to drive back and call someone to grab it out of the kitchen fridge for me. :P
There are lots of positives that will come out of this. For example, at the end of the day, I have been so exhausted that I can barely eat when I get home. Now I can eat and nap and do whatever my body needs to grow this little baby whenever I need to do it.
I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom. I thought, of course, that I would be working all nine months before baby's grand entrance, but Husband is being so brave and keeps telling me this is just speeding up the plan we would have put in place anyway. We're nervous about going down to one income, but you know what? I truly believe that we can do it.
We've agreed that I don't need to feel pressured to find another full time-job, or to make the perfect career move. At some point, I am probably going to apply for some part time work that would be much closer to home than my lengthy 40-mile commute was. Also, my boss at the cookbook store says that when my morning sickness subsides, I can pick up a few more hours there. January and February are her slowest months anyway, and I don't want to be trying to get hours in the months where she isn't making enough money to pay me anyway. She'd probably let me work, but I wouldn't ask that of her.
As I was sitting in the meeting, being told how worthless I was, I thought to myself - Husband is praying for me right now. Family members are praying for me. My blogging and IF facebook friends have been including this meeting in their prayers. Maybe this is all meant to be, all what God really wants. Maybe my job was a knot that the Queen of Heaven loosened for me. I have thought about leaving so many times over the years, and tried a few times, but I never got up the gumption to just quit without a new job waiting for me or to try out an entirely new career field. Maybe this is what I needed to do.
My self-esteem is hurt, but all of the ugliness is overshadowed my continuing joy at the new little life growing inside me. It is time to start writing a new chapter in my life story.