Ok back to my thoughts on modesty. When I last wrote about it, I was just talking about how dating A helped me to appreciate my body more and its womanly beauty. His encouragement and affirmation really helped me to strive to be beautiful and to see that as a good thing. I will admit I often tried to look sexy to him, because well, I loved him and was crazily attracted to him. But in the past I would have seen this as something evil. His love for me helped me to know that I am a sexual being and that trying to completely hide that was stifling.
Although my upbringing was not nearly as strict as the Duggars, the way things are frased and framed is rather familiar. However, this type of a world view was not conducive to married love, as I began to suspect while dating. Love in marriage requires total openness and vulnerability, something that is quite difficult to accept after being totally closed my whole life. Also, this type of modesty fostered in me an extreme consciousness of my body and how I was covered. This extreme awareness also makes openness in marriage difficult. I'm not saying we should walk around naked all the time, just that feeling comfortable in my own skin requires me to be comfortable with the fact that that skin exists. The jerky transition of living by intense modesty in my daily life, to getting naked with my husband just does not work. If I've been wearing things that make me feel unattractive, I struggle to feel attractive for my husband. If I put on something that I feel pretty in I have a much easier time feeling confident in life.
Being married has made the modesty debacle much simpler for me. I know that when I dress attractively it is for my own sake, and for A's. I don't constantly question my motives anymore. Sometimes I show a bit of cleavage, and I will be honest that I enjoy doing so. It makes me feel pretty, and A certainly appreciates it. Now, if I wonder if something is too revealing I ask A for his opinion, since I figure if he is comfortable with the general public seeing me in it then I'm good to go.
I realize that modesty has been beneficial for some, but for me discarding my rules about modesty has been incredibly freeing particularly in my marriage.
November
Showing posts with label Fashion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fashion. Show all posts
Monday, July 16, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Modesty: Growing Up
I always listen to the great catholic modesty debates with interest. It seems there is a little bit of everything, from those who think modesty is solely a state of mind and doesn't affect clothing choices, to those who believe in ankle length skirts only, and quote padre pio furiously.
After my parents divorced when I was 6, my mom went through a pretty extreme reversion to Catholism. she was a cradle Catholic but had never taken faith very seriously. When she began to practice her faith she moved to a pretty conservative set of beliefs. We also moved to live on the same property as my aunt and uncle (they are the ones who have 11 kids), who were even more conservative. Consequently my siblings and I grew up with very strict modesty guidelines and explanations (mostly my sister and I, since it seems most modesty rules are really just about women).
I didn't pay much attention to the modesty hubbub until I hit puberty. Suddenly I went from a scrawny little kid running around shirtless with my cousins, to having more womanly features (I've always been pretty skinny, but there is still a big difference between flat chest to an A cup). Like many 13 year olds ( or younger, I matured a bit late), I was painfully aware of my body, its new shape, my attitude and feelings towards boys, all that regular stuff that is insanely awkward in the beginning.
Through high school, my mom held very strict standards of modesty for my sister and I. No sleeveless shirts, skirts past the knee, and mainly nothing form fitting. I know she was trying to protect us and help us develop into virtuous women, but I took the modesty line of thinking to heart. I constantly analyzed what I wore, and how it fit my body. I often wished away my womanly curves (as tiny as they were, anything felt like too much with the stringent guidlines). Being a boy looked so much easier to me. Looking like a sexual being, or feeling anything sexual seemed bad to me.
As I went through college, I slowly stopped following my former guidelines to modesty. My mom had lightened up anyway, but I stopped following the rules on my own. At first it was simply because I wanted to be pretty. I was tired of always limiting myself to unflattering clothing. I liked boys, I wanted to marry one someday, so dang it I was going to start attracting them.
When A and I started dating, he often let me know how pretty he thought I was particularly when I wore something a bit girlier (I spent much of my younger years in big t-shirts and baggy jeans). I also began feeling a new freedom to be beautiful and with it a freedom to be more myself. I vividly remember confessing to my sister that I had stopped worrying about modesty. It's not that I think the idea is that bad, but as a naturally self-conscious and scrupulous person, constantly thinking about modesty left me feeling at war with my body.
I know many people feel very committed to a form of modest clothing, and that it's been helpful for them. However, for me I felt it to be a damaging set of inferences. I hope to keep writing about this topic since, as you can probably tell, my thoughts about it are a bit unclear since I am still figuring out how it should all work in my life.
I would love to hear others' thoughts on modesty and how it has affected their lives, so feel free to share!
November
After my parents divorced when I was 6, my mom went through a pretty extreme reversion to Catholism. she was a cradle Catholic but had never taken faith very seriously. When she began to practice her faith she moved to a pretty conservative set of beliefs. We also moved to live on the same property as my aunt and uncle (they are the ones who have 11 kids), who were even more conservative. Consequently my siblings and I grew up with very strict modesty guidelines and explanations (mostly my sister and I, since it seems most modesty rules are really just about women).
I didn't pay much attention to the modesty hubbub until I hit puberty. Suddenly I went from a scrawny little kid running around shirtless with my cousins, to having more womanly features (I've always been pretty skinny, but there is still a big difference between flat chest to an A cup). Like many 13 year olds ( or younger, I matured a bit late), I was painfully aware of my body, its new shape, my attitude and feelings towards boys, all that regular stuff that is insanely awkward in the beginning.
Through high school, my mom held very strict standards of modesty for my sister and I. No sleeveless shirts, skirts past the knee, and mainly nothing form fitting. I know she was trying to protect us and help us develop into virtuous women, but I took the modesty line of thinking to heart. I constantly analyzed what I wore, and how it fit my body. I often wished away my womanly curves (as tiny as they were, anything felt like too much with the stringent guidlines). Being a boy looked so much easier to me. Looking like a sexual being, or feeling anything sexual seemed bad to me.
As I went through college, I slowly stopped following my former guidelines to modesty. My mom had lightened up anyway, but I stopped following the rules on my own. At first it was simply because I wanted to be pretty. I was tired of always limiting myself to unflattering clothing. I liked boys, I wanted to marry one someday, so dang it I was going to start attracting them.
When A and I started dating, he often let me know how pretty he thought I was particularly when I wore something a bit girlier (I spent much of my younger years in big t-shirts and baggy jeans). I also began feeling a new freedom to be beautiful and with it a freedom to be more myself. I vividly remember confessing to my sister that I had stopped worrying about modesty. It's not that I think the idea is that bad, but as a naturally self-conscious and scrupulous person, constantly thinking about modesty left me feeling at war with my body.
I know many people feel very committed to a form of modest clothing, and that it's been helpful for them. However, for me I felt it to be a damaging set of inferences. I hope to keep writing about this topic since, as you can probably tell, my thoughts about it are a bit unclear since I am still figuring out how it should all work in my life.
I would love to hear others' thoughts on modesty and how it has affected their lives, so feel free to share!
November
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Skinny jeans
Skinny jeans tend to get a bad rap, but I have to admit, I love them. I first started liking them when I lived in Austria for a semester a few years ago. Those European ladies really dress stylishly, and boots and skinny jeans were de rigueur. I bought my first pair in Italy and have worn skinny jeans regularly ever since. I also bought some army-style boots in Poland and went for the punk look during college—making up for my lack of sixteen-year-old rebellion, I guess. I eventually gave up the army boots at A's request (and because the zipper was broken, sshhh, don't tell), but I still have a couple of pairs of skinny jeans.
Currently, my favorite pair is a cheap pair I found at Target. I think they cost $11. But they are suuuuper stretchy, and most importantly, at six months pregnant, they still fit me! I've always thought that pregnant women looked super cute in skinny jeans (like an olive on a toothpick) but I've never been able to find a decently-priced pair of maternity skinny jeans. So, my miraculously-fitting non-maternity pants have given me a lot of joy in the past few months as they politely stretch to accommodate my growing baby bump. Plus they look fantastic with the baby-doll style tops that are so common as maternity wear.
So here is my salute to skinny jean! Skinny jeans for all!
--November
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