I Can Feel It Coming

AF, you’re just around the corner, I know it. I’ve been feeling the physical symptoms, and I know it’s almost here. One of the weirdest things, though, is that ever since the first time when I was 11, I’ve always had this weird burst of focused energy on the day before AF shows up.  Back that very first time, I remember having horrible back pain that I didn’t understand, but I also built what, if I remember correctly, was a model of a dodecahedron out of toothpicks and plastic joiners. What?! Haha. These days, my focused energy usually results in a lot of chores getting done around the house or a particularly productive day at work. Maybe to make up for the load of nothing I get done on when AF does arrive. You know, all those cramps, headaches, the numbness in my brain, and the wrenching of my heart for still not being pregnant, they’re just not good for productivity and concentration. Today saw some chores and some good work at my job happen.  I’m just glad AF didn’t show up an hour before my biweekly meeting, like she did last time, at which I have to present my projects to a roomful of people. Whew!

Anyway, this is all kind of random, but I wanted to share. I have been feeling pretty good for the last few weeks; maybe that work trip to New Orleans had something to do with it, followed by the long weekend. But just thinking about it now, I know that as soon as my cycle begins again, I’m going to get emotional and terribly distracted again. Oh, and I have to figure out if I want to go see some college friends the weekend after next. Both of whom have baby girls who will be with them. And the unmarried, childless friend who invited us all to get together in the first place has had to back out, so husband and I will be conspicuously childless. I know that it’s likely to get me all upset, but these are also people I haven’t seen in years and may not get the chance to see again for several more. ::Groan:: I don’t know what to do. Husband says that he’s letting me decide if we go or not. I kind of wish he’d just said “no” straight out.

Gosh, husbands letting wives make decisions? How totally inconsiderate of him.

In all seriousness, what do you think? Is it worth the heartache to go? I don’t want IF to make this decision for me, but I also know myself well enough to know that I’m likely to be miserable all weekend and for weeks afterward. How do you handle situations like this, gentle reader?

-January