About a month ago, I had an HSG. It was both better and worse than I thought it would be. The results were good – the doctor says everything is normal and clear – so that’s good, certainly. On one hand, it was worse than I thought it would be because it actually did hurt when they expanded the balloon in my insides. The X-ray technician told me it usually didn’t hurt very much, you know the line they say about cramping about as bad as during your period. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly like that. I think I was just really surprised at the sudden sharp feeling, which is not at all what cramping during my period feels like. If I had been told to expect a sudden sharp feeling, it might have helped me! Also, it was kind of funny and kind of awful: the youngish male doctor had a bit of trouble with the speculum. You never want to hear someone who’s messing around down there say, “I’m having trouble finding your cervix.” Haha. I was tempted to tell him that I could find it really easily if he needed my assistance.
On the other hand, it went better than I had expected. Watching the results on the x-ray machine was really cool! Those were my insides I was looking at! And I had no idea how tiny a uterus and fallopian tubes would really be. Yes, I’m a big dork.
Husband thought he’d be able to come with me, but he realized the day before that he needed to be on his way to the airport during the procedure. I sucked it up and smiled and told him not to worry about it. I had toyed with the idea of asking my mom or mother-in-law to come with me, but I realized that this was something I could handle myself! Driving myself out there and waiting on my own in the waiting room forced me to be a big girl and kept me from leaning on someone else. I had to stand strong on my own! True, it’s not the first time anyone, including me, has gone to the doctor by herself. I feel like struggling to conceive is both breaking me down and making me stronger. I’m glad that this particular test added to my strength! I don’t know how much of this journey will do that for me.
-January
So brave! My first hsg, I was awake for, and it was awful. I was told to lie still, but good Lord! Clamping a woman's cervix is crazy painful. My other two have been while I"m out during surgery, thank goodness. Glad your results were good!
ReplyDelete"Breaking me down and making me stronger..." I agree with this SOO much!!
ReplyDeleteI really feel that each day that I choose to not give up hope and to continue to trust God, my strength and courage grow as well. Sure, there's still those not so great days, but when there's the days where you FEEL strong...GO WITH IT!
Good for you for going and knowing you could handle it!
Praying for you
I remember sitting there waiting for the doctors to come in and do the test. I was SO nervous and prayed the whole time. It takes guts to do that test on your own. You are so BRAVE!!!
ReplyDeleteWe need merit badges for all these tests / shots / procedures / surgeries we go through alone. You are right ... it builds strength and character each time we brave a new situation alone.
Yes I am amazed at how much bravery the fertility tests take. I get all freaked out about a pap smear!
ReplyDeleteNovie