Thursday, May 31, 2012

Why we blog together: November

January and I have been discussing friendship, particularly between someone dealing with infertility, and a mama. We've both written out some of our thoughts on how we maintain our friendship and why we blog together. Here are my thoughts.

We have many different kinds of friends in life, and quite honestly most friends are circumstantial. For instance, in college I had many people I was friends with due to circumstance--we had a ridiculous amount of classes together, or we had a lot of the same friends and ended up at the same parties. With friends like this, we tend to have a lot in common in that present state. After graduating from college, I left most of these friends behind because we did not have that commonality of circumstances anymore. Some of those friends were more than circumstantial friends, and we have remained friends due to a different kind of closeness.

Similarly, I have a few friends that I consider my ‘mom friends.’ It’s nothing against them, but when we get together it is for mom and kid interaction. Now a couple of these mom friends have turned into real deep friendships which is awesome! But I find nothing wrong with admitting that some friends you have are circumstantial. You support each other in your current state and move on when you no longer have the binding factor.

My point is that I think IF women and mothers are perfectly able to be friends, they just may not make great circumstantial friends (unless different circumstances than fertility unite them). January and I initially bonded over NFP right before I had L. As we have continued through life, we have both encountered big changes, but we’ve become more than circumstantial friends. We have listened to each others’ trials, worries, and joys. January and her husband were the ones who brought A and I breakfast at 5:30am after L was born. January has always been supportive and loving towards me. We have moved onto a deeper friendship that is about supporting each other as people rather than circumstance.

I also think that the fact that we are in different seasons of life can actually give us both perspective. For instance when I feel overwhelmed by diapers and whining, by just telling her my little woes she reminds me what a gift my little ones are.

We initially started blogging together because we liked the idea of women supporting each other through the different seasons of our lives. Cattiness and competition often reign supreme between women, and we believe that the more bonds of love and peace we can form with each other the better off we all are.



  1. Love this post! Far too often, us women allow circumstances to divide us. It's so beautiful when we can cultivate friendships that endure different trials and seasons.

  2. You are so right that there are circumstantial friends and friends that are much deeper than that. I love that the two of you are showing that bond that there can be in different circumstances.

  3. You know what? I think that I've never wanted to believe that friendships are circumstantial, even though it's true! I've tried being a faithful penpal more times than I can count, but I've never managed to keep it up. With changing circumstances, sometimes we do have to let go of friendships. I guess, if we want a friendship to stay strong despite changing circumstances, we have to work to make deeper connections, and it has to be a two-way street.

  4. You are so right about circumstantial friendships and I love how your friendship with January started that way and developed into something deeper - more real.

    And I love that you allow January's struggle with IF to remind you of the blessings your children are - that is what I hope others gain from my struggle - that children are gift and no matter how hard it gets, they are still gifts to be loved and cherished. (I'm not saying it's easy and rosy all the time - not by any stretch :)).