Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wherein January reveals how bent out of shape she is

I have been jamming out to pop radio as I drove all over hither and yon today. Because of course the office where I work is many miles due east of the city, Dr. C's office is many many miles due west of the city, and that little condo I call home is many many many miles due south of the city.

Anyway, all that driving lets me really get my car dancing on, and I won't pretend that I don't enjoy that aspect of it.

Here's the skinny:

Nothing has changed. Dr. C gave me a scrip for tamoxifen. Again. We're exactly where we were in January. But down by one ovary. Holy crap. I'm pissed off.

Dr. C sounds confident because "there's really no reason you shouldn't be getting pregnant." Um, except we haven't been getting pregnant. For two years. I don't see how this calls for optimism. At least if she thought there were other things to investigate, we'd have new possibilities. If I had an actual problem, we could be attacking it.

But no.

It's still, "you've been ovulating but I'm prescribing the tamoxifen to give the ovulation a little boost." And this time she says that if in a year I'm not pregnant, we can try clomid or femara or injectables. Urghhh. In January, she specifically said that if nothing else was wrong, we should be pregnant using the tamoxifen within 6 months. Well it turns out nothing was wrong that should actually cause me to be infertile. And yet, I remain infertile.

I feel like our lives are so stagnant. We have no children, we've been working in the same places for the last 6 years, we can't afford to buy a house, we have stupid amounts of debt anyway. I'm sorry, who is living my life? Because it sure looks like I'm not. I tried to talk about this with Husband tonight when I called him, but he flat out refused to. So, oh yeah, now Husband and I are in a fight. Excellent.

I am just so, so angry.



  1. I hate the stuck days and no one to talk about with! (Although, in my case, at least I'm not mad at anyone for not talking, either.) Hope tomorrow's a much, much better day!!!

  2. That really sucks! I'll pray for you.

  3. Ugh! I am so so sorry. A year on tamoxifen? That seems like a long time to use a med and not alter the plan. I still think that tumor had to be causing part of the problem - it really baffles my mind that the doctors don't think so (yes, I realize that their years of medical training are way more important than my simple-woman's logic, but still, it makes sense to me that tumor in your baby making parts = trouble conceiving).

    SO, all that said, I am going to be super hopeful for you and pray pray pray that your BFP is right around the corner.

    Oh, and just my two-cents of advice that you didn't ask for: if after 3 months of the tamoxifen you aren't pregnant, I'd either push for some more testing (have you had a hormone panel) and/or switch doctors (I know, easier said than done). I say 3 months because that is the length of time that my Dr. has given me for my newest proticol that includes femara to help boost ovulation.

    If you need anything - text me :)