Ugh. Fell asleep with cramps last night, woke up with cramps sometime early this morning. At 5:30 or so, I finally gave up, got out of bed, and started washing dishes. Now that I've had breakfast, I should probably take some ibuprofen. Then I can stop whining ;-)
I told Husband yesterday that ever since I started cycling when I was in junior high, and my period laid me low, I would tell myself that this just meant that someday I'd have babies. That's supposed to be the big prize of being a woman, right? All those monthly aches, pains, and mood swings. You get to become a mom.
Yeah, or not.
I promise that I have been feeling really positive about life lately, and even a potentially childless life, but holy moly, when your whole body has been aching for 18 hours, a little negativity feels like it's in order.
I think I've started feeling overwhelmed by all of the pregnancy, adoption, and birth announcements lately. Every one of them is a blessing and I have been thanking God when I learn that someone got those two pink lines or that their adoption phone finally rang. Suddenly, though, it feels like a lot of the blogs that I used to go to to find people who could really understand what I was going through have become blogs of parents or expectant parents. I think everyone rejoices when someone gets to cross the line, but I feel kind of lonely remaining on this side.
The woman whose condo we rent had her first baby in May. I hadn't heard from her in months, and the last time I'd seen her she was definitely pregnant, so I sent her a little email to check in. She is really sweet and sent me pictures of her new little girl, and Husband and I offered to bring her and her husband dinner sometime soon, with the added benefit of getting to meet the baby. We could do that today - I have all of the ingredients to make a triple strawberry pie and I know what I'd like to make them for dinner - but I'm hesitant all of the sudden. Those pictures of that baby girl, they're a lot like what I think my baby would look like. Maybe, in addition to being dear friends, its easier for me with November's kids because they look nothing like me. It's harder seeing a little Italian baby. And with AF being here, I'm just feeling fragile. Hm, to make dinner or not to make dinner. That is the question.
Anyway, that's it for right now. I just wanted to get this off my chest. Ha! And my alarm for getting up still hasn't gone off yet. Thanks, AF, for getting this day started really early!