Tithing.
Something I don't know much about.
It's come up several times in recent weeks, so I want to learn more about it.
I'm trying desperately to get control of our finances (this is gradually happening, praise God!), and a book I've just read on managing your money talked a lot about tithing. The author is a Baptist, I think, and she advocates tithing on your gross income and every financial gain that you make. I realized that I have no idea what is deemed appropriate or desirable giving for Catholics.
Are Catholics are called to tithe in the literal "first tenth" sense?
How do you approach financial giving to the Church?
And on a personal note, if you have experience with this, we're kind of not really making ends meet without dipping into our savings a bit every month, but if tithing is important, is it something we should do and try to adjust down even more?
Talk to me, people! I'm very curious about this.
Thanks,
January
Showing posts with label Catholicism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Catholicism. Show all posts
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Once again...
We are using NFP. It's been so different this time I think because we feel much more strongly about waiting After L was born we wanted some space but we knew we wanted another baby not too far down the line. We avoided until she was 15 months old then decided to go for it on a whim and baby J was conceived (I was not cycling for nine of those months though).
But this time I do not feel that desire for a baby. I don't know if it's due to exhaustion or what, but I know that I feel no pull towards adding a third child. And it feels very un-Catholic, with my scrupulosity kicking in that is. A feels the same. I realize we have good reasons to postpone for now, but currently I want to postpone forever, and I feel bad I feel that way (oh what a tangled feeling web...).
My guess is that this wish to stop is due mostly to the craziness of the last few years. The last four years have been incredible for us, full of so much joy. But the amount of change we have gone through is insane--moves, engagement, babies, marriage, several job changes, extended family drama. I feel a bit dizzy thinking about all of the changes in our lives, especially considering that six years ago A and I had not even met, and I was just a college student living in a dorm, studying English. Just a year before that I was a community college student living in my parents' house. So I'm sure much of our apathy towards having more kids is because it has been so nice these last few months (since A got his new job) not having any major changes on the docket. We've finally had time to actually pay attention to our own health, and to bettering our relationship. We've gone on dates, started working out, done some house projects, and spent lots of time with our kids. So the idea of seeking pregnancy right now sounds absolutely terrible. I don't mean to offend anyone struggling with infertility, and of course if we somehow got pregnant now we would love the kid to death. But I am of the very firm persuasion that I can't really love someone who does not exist (once that person starts existing then I am so there).
Anyway, so this determination for some time to adjust to all the many changes in our lives has helped us practice NFP fairly well, for us anyway. We are only a few cycles in, but we made it through the completely awful post postpartum transition which is a huge victory.
But as I said above, I feel very not Catholic about it. I don't want to be open to pregnancy again, and a part of me feels that is not acceptable. The way I grew up we learned a touch of providentialism, so I struggle to realize that we are not required to have as many kids as possible. And currently I am feeling so excited to see our kids get older. I am loving seeing L as a kid rather than a baby, and getting to have conversations with her. I want to keep growing up with our kids, not get plunged back into the newborn days over and over again. A is much less scrupulous than I, and says that as long as we strive to follow Church teaching regarding NFP we can make our choices. I, on the other hand, am having a hard time shaking off the 'must have big family' mentality, plus I worry about our ability to practice NFP long term. I hope to expand on this more later, but as of now I am still a bit internet shy.
November
But this time I do not feel that desire for a baby. I don't know if it's due to exhaustion or what, but I know that I feel no pull towards adding a third child. And it feels very un-Catholic, with my scrupulosity kicking in that is. A feels the same. I realize we have good reasons to postpone for now, but currently I want to postpone forever, and I feel bad I feel that way (oh what a tangled feeling web...).
My guess is that this wish to stop is due mostly to the craziness of the last few years. The last four years have been incredible for us, full of so much joy. But the amount of change we have gone through is insane--moves, engagement, babies, marriage, several job changes, extended family drama. I feel a bit dizzy thinking about all of the changes in our lives, especially considering that six years ago A and I had not even met, and I was just a college student living in a dorm, studying English. Just a year before that I was a community college student living in my parents' house. So I'm sure much of our apathy towards having more kids is because it has been so nice these last few months (since A got his new job) not having any major changes on the docket. We've finally had time to actually pay attention to our own health, and to bettering our relationship. We've gone on dates, started working out, done some house projects, and spent lots of time with our kids. So the idea of seeking pregnancy right now sounds absolutely terrible. I don't mean to offend anyone struggling with infertility, and of course if we somehow got pregnant now we would love the kid to death. But I am of the very firm persuasion that I can't really love someone who does not exist (once that person starts existing then I am so there).
Anyway, so this determination for some time to adjust to all the many changes in our lives has helped us practice NFP fairly well, for us anyway. We are only a few cycles in, but we made it through the completely awful post postpartum transition which is a huge victory.
But as I said above, I feel very not Catholic about it. I don't want to be open to pregnancy again, and a part of me feels that is not acceptable. The way I grew up we learned a touch of providentialism, so I struggle to realize that we are not required to have as many kids as possible. And currently I am feeling so excited to see our kids get older. I am loving seeing L as a kid rather than a baby, and getting to have conversations with her. I want to keep growing up with our kids, not get plunged back into the newborn days over and over again. A is much less scrupulous than I, and says that as long as we strive to follow Church teaching regarding NFP we can make our choices. I, on the other hand, am having a hard time shaking off the 'must have big family' mentality, plus I worry about our ability to practice NFP long term. I hope to expand on this more later, but as of now I am still a bit internet shy.
November
Friday, October 12, 2012
The Medal
I've been in a time of spiritual dryness/doubting for, ooohhh, the last three years or so. In a lot of ways it started when I got pregnant with L. The "worst thing ever" happened, and it wasn't the worst thing ever. My life didn't fall apart because of it. It was crazy and hard, but with this new little baby I was incredibly blessed. A and I got married and it was awesome.
But this is what tripped me up about it. I grew up with a pretty harsh understanding of faith. So when we had sex and got pregnant outside of being married, I was under the impression that we were doomed to be unhappy because we sinned. I had learned that premarital sex was pretty much a great way to ruin your chances of having real love, and a good marriage, yet we have both. Have we had to work through things due to our mistakes? Sure! But that particular issue has just been one of many, along with dealing with our selfishness, impatience, and all the other lovely vices two humans bring into marriage.
My point is that having had sex before marriage didn't damage us nearly as much as I had been led to believe as a teenager. In fact, with the birth of L blessings just poured out on us. And this threw me into a mode of doubting faith, because although lip service was given in my upbringing to the mercy of God, and redemption and all that, the feeling I had was that divine justice was stronger, and I had sinned dang it.
Now, slowly, with a lot of good talks with A, I am coming to see that due to the mixture of a harsher form of Catholicism and my idealistic nature, I have had too severe of a view of God. A came to be a faithful person more on his own, (and also has a degree in theology to boot :) ) and his early spiritual direction was much less harsh. Hearing his total belief in the love and mercy of God has been incredibly healing for me, and I truly want that kind of trusting faith. Not faith that is based off of fear of hell.
Slowly I am seeing that, yes we did sin, but the reason our sins are sins is because they are bad for us. I don't think God wants to punish us, rather He wants us to become the people we are meant to be. And it seems that part of our journey to becoming those people was through our dating, sinning, and having a baby at a challenging time. I think God is proud of the way we handled the results of our sin. Does that make sense? I'm not saying that this is why things have worked out so well (I don't really know why that is the case). I'm saying that God honors the fact that we tried the best we could in the circumstances we got ourselves into, and isn't out to beat us up over it.
So recently, in my faith journey I have been focusing on letting go of my scrupulosity, and focusing on accepting the mercy of God. But it's hard to relearn the thought processes I've used for so many years. I often worry there is a mortal sin that I haven't properly confessed, and if I die I will go to Hell. A assures me, and I want with my heart to believe, that God would take the whole of my life into account, and not bust me on a technicality. This is the God I want to believe in: the one who loves completely and knows our hearts and ours souls, and wants us with Him. But I am afraid of the God of judgement.
Anyway, due to all of this craziness swirling in my mind, I have not prayed much in the last few years. I faithfully go to Mass and confession, but when it comes to me personally, I try to communicate with God through loving my kids and husband. And in a lot of ways that has been more spiritually nourishing than spending hours in personal prayer. This week I made a very small gesture towards having something more personal and less fear based with God: I put on a medal of Our Lady of Perpetual Help.
A intentionally asked me out on the feast day of Our Lady of Perpetual Help, and we evoked her protection and guidance often during our tumultuous dating relationship. Mary has always felt like a very gentle presence to me even when I am feeling afraid of a judgmental God. And, let's face it, I will need help forever, so this particular title of hers is quite fitting.
I used to wear medals all the time, but have fallen out of the habit as my faith has felt shaky. A bought me the medal of Our Lady of Perpetual Help a couple of years ago, and I have worn it sporadically. This week I put it on again. It's a very small gesture I realize, but for me it is a first step towards really praying again. I hope this very small step will help me to focus on spiritual things again, through the most gentle of Mothers.
November
But this is what tripped me up about it. I grew up with a pretty harsh understanding of faith. So when we had sex and got pregnant outside of being married, I was under the impression that we were doomed to be unhappy because we sinned. I had learned that premarital sex was pretty much a great way to ruin your chances of having real love, and a good marriage, yet we have both. Have we had to work through things due to our mistakes? Sure! But that particular issue has just been one of many, along with dealing with our selfishness, impatience, and all the other lovely vices two humans bring into marriage.
My point is that having had sex before marriage didn't damage us nearly as much as I had been led to believe as a teenager. In fact, with the birth of L blessings just poured out on us. And this threw me into a mode of doubting faith, because although lip service was given in my upbringing to the mercy of God, and redemption and all that, the feeling I had was that divine justice was stronger, and I had sinned dang it.
Now, slowly, with a lot of good talks with A, I am coming to see that due to the mixture of a harsher form of Catholicism and my idealistic nature, I have had too severe of a view of God. A came to be a faithful person more on his own, (and also has a degree in theology to boot :) ) and his early spiritual direction was much less harsh. Hearing his total belief in the love and mercy of God has been incredibly healing for me, and I truly want that kind of trusting faith. Not faith that is based off of fear of hell.
Slowly I am seeing that, yes we did sin, but the reason our sins are sins is because they are bad for us. I don't think God wants to punish us, rather He wants us to become the people we are meant to be. And it seems that part of our journey to becoming those people was through our dating, sinning, and having a baby at a challenging time. I think God is proud of the way we handled the results of our sin. Does that make sense? I'm not saying that this is why things have worked out so well (I don't really know why that is the case). I'm saying that God honors the fact that we tried the best we could in the circumstances we got ourselves into, and isn't out to beat us up over it.
So recently, in my faith journey I have been focusing on letting go of my scrupulosity, and focusing on accepting the mercy of God. But it's hard to relearn the thought processes I've used for so many years. I often worry there is a mortal sin that I haven't properly confessed, and if I die I will go to Hell. A assures me, and I want with my heart to believe, that God would take the whole of my life into account, and not bust me on a technicality. This is the God I want to believe in: the one who loves completely and knows our hearts and ours souls, and wants us with Him. But I am afraid of the God of judgement.
Anyway, due to all of this craziness swirling in my mind, I have not prayed much in the last few years. I faithfully go to Mass and confession, but when it comes to me personally, I try to communicate with God through loving my kids and husband. And in a lot of ways that has been more spiritually nourishing than spending hours in personal prayer. This week I made a very small gesture towards having something more personal and less fear based with God: I put on a medal of Our Lady of Perpetual Help.
I used to wear medals all the time, but have fallen out of the habit as my faith has felt shaky. A bought me the medal of Our Lady of Perpetual Help a couple of years ago, and I have worn it sporadically. This week I put it on again. It's a very small gesture I realize, but for me it is a first step towards really praying again. I hope this very small step will help me to focus on spiritual things again, through the most gentle of Mothers.
November
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Be Not Afraid
Today begins the Fortnight for Freedom (or the F4F as Catholic Mutt hilariously puts it).
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I am proud of our bishops and excited to have my little voice join others in demanding the religious freedom promised to us by the founding fathers. On the other hand, I'm a little bit terrified. Make that a lot terrified.
Why?
I do not handle confrontation well. When faced with a situation where things are going downhill fast, I will a)retreat, b)fly into a rage, or c)burst into tears. When I try to engage in any way with people on, say, facebook who are hating hardcore on my (and usually supposedly their) Catholic faith, I usually end up retreating, shutting down. I don't know how to spar. I don't know how to gently teach someone something. I have zero confidence in my knowledge of catechism or any other particulars of my faith.
I should have more confidence than this. After a painfully shy childhood, I have grown into a self-assured woman. My lack of ability in this area makes me want to kick myself. I mean, what am I afraid of?
First, and probably most, I'm afraid of being wrong. What if I say something and it's wrong?!
A close second, I'm afraid of having no answer at all.
Third, what if I drive people further away? Family, friends, acquaintances - I worry that I would drive them away from coming to an understanding rather than bringing them closer together.
Isn't there someone more qualified for this job than I am?!
Deep breaths, Jan, deep breaths.
At Mass on Sunday back in my hometown, we sang Be Not Afraid. You know, that song that every Catholic has sung at least 368,000 times? Well, this was the first time, out of all of those previous 367,999 times singing the song, that I really heard what it was saying. My first "duh" moment was in the first verse, and that's for another post, but my second was at the end, when the last verse picks up some of the beatitutes.
"And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you."
Hello, Jan! Jesus left you instructions for times like this. You have to be not afraid, and you have to put yourself out there. For fourteen days. You can do that. (Yes I am giving myself a peptalk right now). Some people that you love are going to be upset by what you believe, but you have the right to believe it. You have the right to live this way, and you want to keep this right. You don't know what will happen because of this, but you shouldn't be afraid, because God is right there, right ahead of you. He is leading the way.
Be not afraid, be not afraid.
-January
I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I am proud of our bishops and excited to have my little voice join others in demanding the religious freedom promised to us by the founding fathers. On the other hand, I'm a little bit terrified. Make that a lot terrified.
Why?
I do not handle confrontation well. When faced with a situation where things are going downhill fast, I will a)retreat, b)fly into a rage, or c)burst into tears. When I try to engage in any way with people on, say, facebook who are hating hardcore on my (and usually supposedly their) Catholic faith, I usually end up retreating, shutting down. I don't know how to spar. I don't know how to gently teach someone something. I have zero confidence in my knowledge of catechism or any other particulars of my faith.
I should have more confidence than this. After a painfully shy childhood, I have grown into a self-assured woman. My lack of ability in this area makes me want to kick myself. I mean, what am I afraid of?
First, and probably most, I'm afraid of being wrong. What if I say something and it's wrong?!
A close second, I'm afraid of having no answer at all.
Third, what if I drive people further away? Family, friends, acquaintances - I worry that I would drive them away from coming to an understanding rather than bringing them closer together.
Isn't there someone more qualified for this job than I am?!
Deep breaths, Jan, deep breaths.
At Mass on Sunday back in my hometown, we sang Be Not Afraid. You know, that song that every Catholic has sung at least 368,000 times? Well, this was the first time, out of all of those previous 367,999 times singing the song, that I really heard what it was saying. My first "duh" moment was in the first verse, and that's for another post, but my second was at the end, when the last verse picks up some of the beatitutes.
"And if wicked men insult and hate you all because of me, blessed, blessed are you."
Hello, Jan! Jesus left you instructions for times like this. You have to be not afraid, and you have to put yourself out there. For fourteen days. You can do that. (Yes I am giving myself a peptalk right now). Some people that you love are going to be upset by what you believe, but you have the right to believe it. You have the right to live this way, and you want to keep this right. You don't know what will happen because of this, but you shouldn't be afraid, because God is right there, right ahead of you. He is leading the way.
Be not afraid, be not afraid.
-January
Monday, June 18, 2012
CD2, I mean, Father's Day
Husband and I had a great Father's Day weekend. We celebrated not only Father's Day with both of our dads, but also Nephew's birthday (I can't believe he's five already!) and my dad's birthday. It was a big one, a nice round number, so my mom planned a special surprise for him. We went to a racetrack (yes, one where they hold Nascar Sprint Cup races) and Dad and some of the family got to drive race cars! I could write a whole post about that - and I might - but the highlight for me was hearing my dad say over and over, "This is the best birthday ever!" In addition to driving the cars and riding in the cars with a professional driver, he may have felt that way because we had delicious crabs, bbq, the best broccoli salad (yes that's what it's called), and coconut cream pie. I didn't get in a race car, but I had a lot of fun all the same! Husband said it was one of the coolest things he's ever done in his life.
--
I was hoping that I would be getting to tell Husband that he'd be a dad for Father's Day, but obviously that didn't happen. For the first time in at least 6 months, probably longer, I used a test. I didn't want to just wait and wait for my period to show up, being teased the whole time. Well, I believed the test when it was negative on P+15, but that didn't end up being the end of the cycle. Neither did the next day. So of course I got hopeful that I had tested too early. But Saturday morning, I woke up to cramps and Aunt Flo's arrival. It was a bummer.
We have an appointment with Dr. C this coming Monday, but I need to call the office this morning to see if she wants me to be on tamoxifen this cycle, because if she does, I'll need to get the scrip today. The question I've been debating is when we should be planning for me to have surgery. We're supposed to go to the beach for a week in July with my family, then I have conferences for a week for each month of the late summer and fall. With my cycle being entirely unpredictable, there isn't a way for me to know ahead of time where my cycle will be between any of these periods of time. I think the cycle I'm in right now might be a wash, but I don't know when we'll be taking the next step. I don't want to miss more work than I am already expecting to. Goodness knows, my boss doesn't like me very much as it is.
--
At mass on Sunday, as usual, we prayed for "fathers and those who father" during the intercessions. But THEN we prayed for "the fatherless, those who long to father, and fathers who have lost a child." I was SO comforted to hear those words. When I saw my mom later in the day, she commented that she had heard them too and been very happy. Why had this pleased her? Because she just finished reading The Infertility Companion for Catholics, by Angelique Ruhi-Lopez and Carmen Santamaria! I had recommended it to her, because she wanted more information about infertility and about how Husband and I would be approaching it as Catholics striving to be faithful to God. She said it was so informative and helped her to understand so much better everything we are going through. Hearing her say that made me so happy! The book has come home with me, and I cannot wait to read it.
I hope you all had a good Father's Day weekend, too!
-January
--
I was hoping that I would be getting to tell Husband that he'd be a dad for Father's Day, but obviously that didn't happen. For the first time in at least 6 months, probably longer, I used a test. I didn't want to just wait and wait for my period to show up, being teased the whole time. Well, I believed the test when it was negative on P+15, but that didn't end up being the end of the cycle. Neither did the next day. So of course I got hopeful that I had tested too early. But Saturday morning, I woke up to cramps and Aunt Flo's arrival. It was a bummer.
We have an appointment with Dr. C this coming Monday, but I need to call the office this morning to see if she wants me to be on tamoxifen this cycle, because if she does, I'll need to get the scrip today. The question I've been debating is when we should be planning for me to have surgery. We're supposed to go to the beach for a week in July with my family, then I have conferences for a week for each month of the late summer and fall. With my cycle being entirely unpredictable, there isn't a way for me to know ahead of time where my cycle will be between any of these periods of time. I think the cycle I'm in right now might be a wash, but I don't know when we'll be taking the next step. I don't want to miss more work than I am already expecting to. Goodness knows, my boss doesn't like me very much as it is.
--
At mass on Sunday, as usual, we prayed for "fathers and those who father" during the intercessions. But THEN we prayed for "the fatherless, those who long to father, and fathers who have lost a child." I was SO comforted to hear those words. When I saw my mom later in the day, she commented that she had heard them too and been very happy. Why had this pleased her? Because she just finished reading The Infertility Companion for Catholics, by Angelique Ruhi-Lopez and Carmen Santamaria! I had recommended it to her, because she wanted more information about infertility and about how Husband and I would be approaching it as Catholics striving to be faithful to God. She said it was so informative and helped her to understand so much better everything we are going through. Hearing her say that made me so happy! The book has come home with me, and I cannot wait to read it.
I hope you all had a good Father's Day weekend, too!
-January
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Love and Marriage and Divine Mercy
My best friend from college got married this past weekend. It was a lovely wedding, with a beautiful bride, proud groom, and many happy guests. It was not a religious ceremony, and some of the elements were a bit, um, unusual to me, but I'm glad that these two crazy kids are finally married.
Husband and I really enjoyed ourselves during the weekend. We road-tripped up and back (I'd consider a road trip in this case to be driving a distance that many people would normally fly), which is one of my favorite couple activities for us. Someday, I want to drive across the country together, and take different routes heading in each direction to see as much as possible. A good car adventure with my honey really makes me happy.
Today happens to be the anniversary of our first date. And not just any anniversary - the tenth anniversary! He had to leave this morning to travel for work, and then I'll be leaving this weekend before he gets back to travel for my own job, but I can't help feeling romantic about this. If he hadn't called me up and asked me out for ice cream (as directed by a mutual friend) back during that senior year of high school, we might not be here together today. I cannot explain how glad I am that we're together, no matter what. It is such an incredible blessing.
One little note about being IF - because what post from me is complete without one? - the bridesmaid who I was worried would be announcing her pregnancy at the bachelorette party is in fact now pregnant. 12 weeks! She must have found out right after the bachelorette party. I spent Friday being upset about it, but when I woke up on Saturday, I felt moved to pray about it. I prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, which I really haven't been exposed to much. Saying those words over and over, "for the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world," was so cleansing. All of the ugly feelings of jealousy I had were washed away as I prayed. I know I don't want this other girl's baby, and I hated that I was so upset by it. I felt like I needed to ask God for His mercy, and praying the chaplet, I felt that I was truly receiving it. And the final prayer:
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent,
but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will,
which is Love and Mercy itself.
How have I been making it through without praying this every day? Let me not despair or become despondent, Lord! Let me confidently submit myself to Your holy will! Amen, amen, amen.
I stood up after that prayer and felt completely renewed by the God's mercy. During the reception that evening, I sincerely congratulated the expectant parents and felt only joy in my heart for them. That right there was a miracle for me.
-January
Husband and I really enjoyed ourselves during the weekend. We road-tripped up and back (I'd consider a road trip in this case to be driving a distance that many people would normally fly), which is one of my favorite couple activities for us. Someday, I want to drive across the country together, and take different routes heading in each direction to see as much as possible. A good car adventure with my honey really makes me happy.
Today happens to be the anniversary of our first date. And not just any anniversary - the tenth anniversary! He had to leave this morning to travel for work, and then I'll be leaving this weekend before he gets back to travel for my own job, but I can't help feeling romantic about this. If he hadn't called me up and asked me out for ice cream (as directed by a mutual friend) back during that senior year of high school, we might not be here together today. I cannot explain how glad I am that we're together, no matter what. It is such an incredible blessing.
One little note about being IF - because what post from me is complete without one? - the bridesmaid who I was worried would be announcing her pregnancy at the bachelorette party is in fact now pregnant. 12 weeks! She must have found out right after the bachelorette party. I spent Friday being upset about it, but when I woke up on Saturday, I felt moved to pray about it. I prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy, which I really haven't been exposed to much. Saying those words over and over, "for the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world," was so cleansing. All of the ugly feelings of jealousy I had were washed away as I prayed. I know I don't want this other girl's baby, and I hated that I was so upset by it. I felt like I needed to ask God for His mercy, and praying the chaplet, I felt that I was truly receiving it. And the final prayer:
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent,
but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will,
which is Love and Mercy itself.
How have I been making it through without praying this every day? Let me not despair or become despondent, Lord! Let me confidently submit myself to Your holy will! Amen, amen, amen.
I stood up after that prayer and felt completely renewed by the God's mercy. During the reception that evening, I sincerely congratulated the expectant parents and felt only joy in my heart for them. That right there was a miracle for me.
-January
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
A Little Bit of Faith
I can be a big whiner oftentimes. Particularly when it comes to faith and my own holiness (or lack thereof). I'm convinced that I am called to raise kids because it will whittle me into something resembling a good Catholic provided I allow it too.
I’ve always been a doubter. I remember growing up I would ask my mom these super intense theological questions. Inconsistencies in faith freak me out. But more than that, my ultimate question is how do we know? When I was little I used to ask God for some immediate tangible sign so that I could know for sure he was real. I wanted to see and believe even though I knew it was technically better to not see and yet still believe. I thought Thomas had the right idea, because he wanted to be sure. I’ve spent most of my life in some form of doubt about faith, because really, how do I, a small human, know what is true?
I keep coming back to my Catholic faith as what I have found to be most real and true. Plus, the Catholic Church feels like home to me. But my lingering doubts have always plagued me. I went through a particularly rough patch my senior year of high school. I just couldn’t reconcile the description of God to the world around me.
I’m going through a similarly doubtful time now, but this time something is quite different. Although I have trouble grasping fine theological points, I finally have an understanding of what the love of God really means. You see, in the past several years I have experienced love like I never have before. A has loved me, and shown me this love more than I knew was possible. I have also learned to love in a way I never have before. I love A with all of my heart, and together we love our children. This incredible experience of love has completely blown me out of the water, giving me a peace with God and his mysteriousness.
I know that love so powerful comes from something. God is love, and knowing that love like this exists helps me to believe in God in the faith and hope that He is ultimate love. I am comfortable now, not necessarily understanding fine points of theology because love is the most important part of this whole deal.
November
I’ve always been a doubter. I remember growing up I would ask my mom these super intense theological questions. Inconsistencies in faith freak me out. But more than that, my ultimate question is how do we know? When I was little I used to ask God for some immediate tangible sign so that I could know for sure he was real. I wanted to see and believe even though I knew it was technically better to not see and yet still believe. I thought Thomas had the right idea, because he wanted to be sure. I’ve spent most of my life in some form of doubt about faith, because really, how do I, a small human, know what is true?
I keep coming back to my Catholic faith as what I have found to be most real and true. Plus, the Catholic Church feels like home to me. But my lingering doubts have always plagued me. I went through a particularly rough patch my senior year of high school. I just couldn’t reconcile the description of God to the world around me.
I’m going through a similarly doubtful time now, but this time something is quite different. Although I have trouble grasping fine theological points, I finally have an understanding of what the love of God really means. You see, in the past several years I have experienced love like I never have before. A has loved me, and shown me this love more than I knew was possible. I have also learned to love in a way I never have before. I love A with all of my heart, and together we love our children. This incredible experience of love has completely blown me out of the water, giving me a peace with God and his mysteriousness.
I know that love so powerful comes from something. God is love, and knowing that love like this exists helps me to believe in God in the faith and hope that He is ultimate love. I am comfortable now, not necessarily understanding fine points of theology because love is the most important part of this whole deal.
November
Saturday, March 10, 2012
My NFP Story, Wrapped Up in the HHS Debate, with a Link to a Post about Christian Love on Top
My view of the HHS contraception debate is all wrapped up with my personal decision to use NFP, so instead of trying to untangle them, I’m going to share them both. In addition, I want to recommend that you read this post from a priest named Father Christian over at Elizabeth Esther’s website. It was just what I needed to see yesterday, when I was feeling totally distressed about the fact that people I have cared about can be such, well, jerks. If you've been feeling kind of beat up by this particular national row, I promise you that the Thomas Merton quote will make you feel worlds better.
---
I had always known that the Church was opposed to contraception of any kind, but I never really understood why. My perspective was that God was God, and if you were using contraception but He wanted you to get pregnant, He could make that happen. It sounds mighty flip, I know, but it made a lot of sense to me at the time. Mary didn’t even have to have sex to become Jesus’s mother, so it seemed to me that you should do what you needed to protect yourself from diseases and unwanted pregnancies if you were going to have sex, and God would do what God needed to do.
My gynecologist and primary care physician had both urged me to take the pill, the former because I complained of terrible cramps and the latter because, I’m guessing, I was a female in her early 20s, and she thought it was unlikely that I would remain a virgin much longer. When Husband and I had started dating, way back in high school, we agreed that we wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. We always knew that we’d made the right decision, but it certainly wasn’t always easy. Fortunately, we were both committed to that choice to wait, and when one of us wavered, the other kept strong, and we actually made it to our wedding night!
However, at my last doctor’s appointment before our wedding, I told my doctor that we were getting married, so I guessed that I needed to go on the pill. She didn’t object and even wrote me a prescription for the brand I suggested because I knew my sister used it. I started taking it, and it did help my terrible cramping a lot, and it was also cool to know exactly when my next period would arrive. My very unpredictable cycles never evened out after puberty the way that my mom and various medical professionals told me they would, so it was a relief not to be caught unawares.
Right around that time, Husband and I went to the pre-marriage conference that the diocese requires engaged couples to attend. A couple in their sixties, I’d say, gave the witness talk about NFP. They talked about how the wife had suffered many miscarriages after their first two children were born, and she’d been told that if she had another one she’d likely die. So she went on the pill. They mentioned it to a priest friend, and said they were glad they were exempt from the requirement not to use contraception, since she had a life-threatening condition. The priest told them that there was no exemption, not even for a situation like this. They decided to go back to using NFP (I don’t know what form), and abstained very conservatively, adding a day onto each end of the time they thought she’d be fertile, just in case. They made it through their childbearing years, alive and still very much in love.
After hearing that story and learning about the abortifacient properties of hormonal contraceptives in particular, I realized that my reasons for being on the pill were not valid. If this woman could have DIED and still chose to follow the Church’s teaching, I needed to do that, too. I was horrified to think that we might have lost little babies because the pill was making my uterus a hostile place for them to implant. Husband and I took a walk outside and I cried, and he said we could do whatever I wanted. I remained on the pill the first six months we were married, until I found that I could order the CCL teaching kit to learn at home. I went off the pill right away, three years ago now, and truly have never looked back.
---
This is where my mind goes when I think about the current contraception debate. I have a hard time sharing my thoughts about this with anyone who disagrees with me. It makes me feel like a total wimp, and certainly not a warrior for God or unborn children. But at the same time, every post on Facebook and ever blog post on this topic makes me want to scream out.
What follows is my reasoning for why the Church should not under any circumstances have to carry insurance that funds contraceptives (or sterilization or anything like that). It’s what I wish I could share, but am always afraid to. I need the safety of my anonymous blog to let it out.
The Catholic Church believes that sexual intercourse has two purposes that cannot be separated from each other: the joyful, pleasurable union of husband and wife AND the creation of new life. There is so much wrapped up in this one belief that causes the Catholic Church to be at odds with the world today. But it makes so much sense! The Church is opposed to all of the contraception and sterilization in this law because it prevents the second purpose. Plain and simple. Hormonal contraceptives are repugnant because when you believe that life starts the moment that an egg is fertilized, you believe that that new life should not be extinguished.
The thing I want to say is that nearly all of those complaints, the ones that I read online and hear on the radio all the time about why women NEED hormonal birth control aren’t enough. Protecting life trumps relieving suffering. I’m not saying that life is pain, but I am saying that God even let His only Son suffer excruciating pain in order to save our eternal souls. I’m still infertile, so I don’t know what I would do if I were told that I had to prevent myself from getting pregnant or else I would die. But I like to think that I’d be as brave as the woman who gave her witness talk at that pre-Cana conference, and trust that God would keep me in his hands no matter what.
-January
---
I had always known that the Church was opposed to contraception of any kind, but I never really understood why. My perspective was that God was God, and if you were using contraception but He wanted you to get pregnant, He could make that happen. It sounds mighty flip, I know, but it made a lot of sense to me at the time. Mary didn’t even have to have sex to become Jesus’s mother, so it seemed to me that you should do what you needed to protect yourself from diseases and unwanted pregnancies if you were going to have sex, and God would do what God needed to do.
My gynecologist and primary care physician had both urged me to take the pill, the former because I complained of terrible cramps and the latter because, I’m guessing, I was a female in her early 20s, and she thought it was unlikely that I would remain a virgin much longer. When Husband and I had started dating, way back in high school, we agreed that we wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. We always knew that we’d made the right decision, but it certainly wasn’t always easy. Fortunately, we were both committed to that choice to wait, and when one of us wavered, the other kept strong, and we actually made it to our wedding night!
However, at my last doctor’s appointment before our wedding, I told my doctor that we were getting married, so I guessed that I needed to go on the pill. She didn’t object and even wrote me a prescription for the brand I suggested because I knew my sister used it. I started taking it, and it did help my terrible cramping a lot, and it was also cool to know exactly when my next period would arrive. My very unpredictable cycles never evened out after puberty the way that my mom and various medical professionals told me they would, so it was a relief not to be caught unawares.
Right around that time, Husband and I went to the pre-marriage conference that the diocese requires engaged couples to attend. A couple in their sixties, I’d say, gave the witness talk about NFP. They talked about how the wife had suffered many miscarriages after their first two children were born, and she’d been told that if she had another one she’d likely die. So she went on the pill. They mentioned it to a priest friend, and said they were glad they were exempt from the requirement not to use contraception, since she had a life-threatening condition. The priest told them that there was no exemption, not even for a situation like this. They decided to go back to using NFP (I don’t know what form), and abstained very conservatively, adding a day onto each end of the time they thought she’d be fertile, just in case. They made it through their childbearing years, alive and still very much in love.
After hearing that story and learning about the abortifacient properties of hormonal contraceptives in particular, I realized that my reasons for being on the pill were not valid. If this woman could have DIED and still chose to follow the Church’s teaching, I needed to do that, too. I was horrified to think that we might have lost little babies because the pill was making my uterus a hostile place for them to implant. Husband and I took a walk outside and I cried, and he said we could do whatever I wanted. I remained on the pill the first six months we were married, until I found that I could order the CCL teaching kit to learn at home. I went off the pill right away, three years ago now, and truly have never looked back.
---
This is where my mind goes when I think about the current contraception debate. I have a hard time sharing my thoughts about this with anyone who disagrees with me. It makes me feel like a total wimp, and certainly not a warrior for God or unborn children. But at the same time, every post on Facebook and ever blog post on this topic makes me want to scream out.
What follows is my reasoning for why the Church should not under any circumstances have to carry insurance that funds contraceptives (or sterilization or anything like that). It’s what I wish I could share, but am always afraid to. I need the safety of my anonymous blog to let it out.
The Catholic Church believes that sexual intercourse has two purposes that cannot be separated from each other: the joyful, pleasurable union of husband and wife AND the creation of new life. There is so much wrapped up in this one belief that causes the Catholic Church to be at odds with the world today. But it makes so much sense! The Church is opposed to all of the contraception and sterilization in this law because it prevents the second purpose. Plain and simple. Hormonal contraceptives are repugnant because when you believe that life starts the moment that an egg is fertilized, you believe that that new life should not be extinguished.
The thing I want to say is that nearly all of those complaints, the ones that I read online and hear on the radio all the time about why women NEED hormonal birth control aren’t enough. Protecting life trumps relieving suffering. I’m not saying that life is pain, but I am saying that God even let His only Son suffer excruciating pain in order to save our eternal souls. I’m still infertile, so I don’t know what I would do if I were told that I had to prevent myself from getting pregnant or else I would die. But I like to think that I’d be as brave as the woman who gave her witness talk at that pre-Cana conference, and trust that God would keep me in his hands no matter what.
-January
Monday, March 5, 2012
Why Father Spitzer Rocks My World
I mentioned a while back that Husband bought me a few Catholic philosophy books for Christmas because I had told him that I wanted to learn about how to talk to people about our religious beliefs, and specifically be able to engage with my pro-abortion friends and family members on life issues. I've finally finished one of the books that he gave me! It's Ten Universal Principles: A Brief Philosophy of the Life Issues by Robert J. Spitzer, S.J., Ph.D., and former president of Gonzaga University. It's a brief book, and I definitely recommend it if you're interested in learning some fundamental principles about the dignity of human life.
I'd like to share some of the things I've learned with you, especially because I know the idea of picking up a book that has anything remotely to do with the word "philosophy" has terrified me for years. But I promise that anything I write won't be a subsitute for what you would get out of reading this book.
The part that I think I'm most excited about at the moment is the Appendix at the back of the book. Maybe it's just because I read it last, so it's the freshest in my mind, but I am also excited about it for a very personal reason. My brother and sister are both at a point where they are rejecting even the existence of God. This makes me so distraught, but I try to hold out hope that they will return to God and love Him as He loves them.
In one of our big discussions/arguments (because people in my family don't really discuss, we argue), both of my siblings declared that humans are no different than any of the other animals on Earth. My brother, in fact, declared that humans are parasites. It was not a pretty conversation, and if you don't believe humans are special in some way, it's really hard to get to the concept of natural rights, including the right to life. So, the reason that this appendix has anything to do with my siblings is because it offers a pretty great explanation of why humans are in fact different from the other creatures on the planet. Father Spitzer refers heavily to Bernard Lonergan's work in this section(just so I'm appropriately giving credit here).
The basic premise of the argument is that all humans have an awareness of and longing for perfect and unconditional Truth, Love, Beauty, Goodness (Justice), and Being (Home). For example, this hunger and awareness for Truth can be observed in our knowledge that we do not know all that there is to know. Even if I knew all the math, all the science, and all the philosophy that humans had ever done, I would still know that my knowledge of the truths of the universe and existence was incomplete, and I'd still seek out more. This is something that no other creature does. Combine this with similar scenarios regarding Love (an awareness of and longing for perfect love, which no human is capable of giving), Beauty (an awareness that no matter how beautiful my painting, musical composition, or poem is, it could always be more perfect and beautiful), Goodness (the desire for perfect justice, which is very obviously not possible in this world), and Being (a longing for a place where I truly belong and will always belong, a true home), and you get humans, who in these ways stand out from the other animals of the Earth. If you go a little further, which is something I don't feel totally qualified to do, the awareness portion of the perfect, complete, and unconditional Truth, Love, Beautfy, Goodness, and Being, even though we never experience them in this lifetime, is used as evidence for the existence of God, who is the external source of our awareness of these things.
I know that someone who wants to reject all or part of this can just say that they disagree and even be angry about these claims, but I am excited to talk to my sister especially about these things. I know that these are things that she longs for, and I hope that I can share this concept with her and give her food for thought about why we are different from animals, and every good thing that can follow from that concept.
Seriously, go read this book!
-January
I'd like to share some of the things I've learned with you, especially because I know the idea of picking up a book that has anything remotely to do with the word "philosophy" has terrified me for years. But I promise that anything I write won't be a subsitute for what you would get out of reading this book.
The part that I think I'm most excited about at the moment is the Appendix at the back of the book. Maybe it's just because I read it last, so it's the freshest in my mind, but I am also excited about it for a very personal reason. My brother and sister are both at a point where they are rejecting even the existence of God. This makes me so distraught, but I try to hold out hope that they will return to God and love Him as He loves them.
In one of our big discussions/arguments (because people in my family don't really discuss, we argue), both of my siblings declared that humans are no different than any of the other animals on Earth. My brother, in fact, declared that humans are parasites. It was not a pretty conversation, and if you don't believe humans are special in some way, it's really hard to get to the concept of natural rights, including the right to life. So, the reason that this appendix has anything to do with my siblings is because it offers a pretty great explanation of why humans are in fact different from the other creatures on the planet. Father Spitzer refers heavily to Bernard Lonergan's work in this section(just so I'm appropriately giving credit here).
The basic premise of the argument is that all humans have an awareness of and longing for perfect and unconditional Truth, Love, Beauty, Goodness (Justice), and Being (Home). For example, this hunger and awareness for Truth can be observed in our knowledge that we do not know all that there is to know. Even if I knew all the math, all the science, and all the philosophy that humans had ever done, I would still know that my knowledge of the truths of the universe and existence was incomplete, and I'd still seek out more. This is something that no other creature does. Combine this with similar scenarios regarding Love (an awareness of and longing for perfect love, which no human is capable of giving), Beauty (an awareness that no matter how beautiful my painting, musical composition, or poem is, it could always be more perfect and beautiful), Goodness (the desire for perfect justice, which is very obviously not possible in this world), and Being (a longing for a place where I truly belong and will always belong, a true home), and you get humans, who in these ways stand out from the other animals of the Earth. If you go a little further, which is something I don't feel totally qualified to do, the awareness portion of the perfect, complete, and unconditional Truth, Love, Beautfy, Goodness, and Being, even though we never experience them in this lifetime, is used as evidence for the existence of God, who is the external source of our awareness of these things.
I know that someone who wants to reject all or part of this can just say that they disagree and even be angry about these claims, but I am excited to talk to my sister especially about these things. I know that these are things that she longs for, and I hope that I can share this concept with her and give her food for thought about why we are different from animals, and every good thing that can follow from that concept.
Seriously, go read this book!
-January
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)