Sometimes it just isn't in the books

I've learned a lot about marriage in the past couple of years. And not surprisingly I've learned the most from living in my marriage each day. This may seem obvious, but sometimes with all the relationship advice and opinions out there one would think that marriage is only possible through extensive research.

Here's the thing, marriage is super personal. Obvious right? But so often we talk about marriage in broad, overall type words, and it just doesn't work that way. Are there elements that are common to the vast majority of married relationships? Yes. But as far as advising someone else in their marriage, well, now that is a tall order. As far as I can see, most marriage manuals don't have anything revolutionary to offer. I'm sure particular ones help particular relationships more than others, but there is just no way a book can cover so many combinations of personalities that happen in marriage There are some basic principles that simply make for good relationships--honesty, dedication, tenderness, faith, and lots and lots of communication, but everything else seems to be personal preference and just a matter of learning how to mesh two people together peacefully.

I'm not saying reading about marriage isn't helpful, it can be very helpful in pinpointing problems and problem solving. It has just been on my mind how no one can really know the deep intricacies present in my marriage. Honestly, I would go with talking to a good friend over reading a book about marriage any day. With a close friend I have the advantage of that knowledge of personality and uniqueness that books just can't do. For instance, if I talk to January about some issue A and I are having she already knows the basic details of our lives, and knows our personalities, histories, and many of our struggles too.

But even then, only A and I truly know the depth and complexities of our own relationship (and we often discover things, hurts or joys, that we didn't even know existed!). It is only by bumbling along together each and everyday that we oh so slowly learn how to love each other better. The last few months have been a time of intense growth and closeness for us, and it has been incredibly difficult and joyful at the same time. Then at the beginning of this week we got into a horrible and hurtful fight. It was confusing because we have been doing all this growing, and both of us were worrying that we were losing that with this fight (I realize I am not being very forthcoming here, but the fight is just not something I'm willing to share with the internet :) ). And I realized post-fight that there was no way I would be able to really convey to someone else why this fight was such a rough thing. It was due to our histories, both together and apart, and it showcased each of our greatest weaknesses. And it was humbling to know that after all this time we could still be such crappy people together. We've worked so hard to become good people together and it's tough to see that that can just fall away in an instant.

We have had some very good conversations since the fight, and have realized that falling does not negate the growth of the past several months, but is more of a reminder that we are still just weak people who fail sometimes. Nothing in a marriage manuel prepares you for things like that. You just have to figure it out with the other person. And talk and talk and talk until you at least kind of understand each other.

November

Spaghetti vs. Waffles

I was blessed this morning with proof that I'm not intentionally trying to sabatoge my marriage or my happiness by dwelling on everything that isn't going our way. Turns out it's CD1! I've not had a period since August due to my surgeries, and no one was really sure when they'd start again. I shouldn't have been surprised in the bathroom this morning, but I was. I actually exclaimed aloud! Haha. Good thing Husband is traveling, or he might have been worried about me.

Now, you may be wondering what the title of this post is all about. Two delicious forms of carbohydrates, perhaps? It does so happen that the first is one of my favorite foods and the second is one of Husband's favorite foods. But, grasshoppers, that is not why they are the words duking it out up above.

I spoke to November yesterday, and she diagnosed me and Husband with acute cases of spaghetti brain (for me) and waffle brain (for him). Ah! Finally, a diagnosis for something that's wrong with us!

But seriously. Apparently it's really common for men to compartmentalize their thinking and their lives. Husband and I already know that he does that and that it can be an issue for us. This is, in some circles, like ours from now on, also known as "waffle brain." You know, cuz waffles have all those little compartments? Yeah, I know you know. Ok, moving on.

If waffles = compartmentalized thinking, then spaghetti = intertwined thinking. With women, the not-uncommon conditition of spaghetti brain can result in seeing connections between everything. Maybe even when the only connection is that your thoughts are all in the same pasta bowl, perhaps?

I can see where problems can arise when a spaghetti brain like me, who sees connections between nearly everything big in our lives, is trying to address issues with a waffle brain like Husband. I'm going to have to work on not getting upset with Husband for not seeing and caring about everything at once, and Husband is going to have work on not getting upset with me for thinking and caring about more than one thing at a time. I think that it's fair to have expectations of your spouse. How else are we to become better people?

But in the end, I cannot become a waffle brain, and Husband will never be a spaghetti brain. But I think we have to try to meet in the middle. I'm not sure what kind of delightful food we can call that state of mind. Anyone care to offer suggestions?

-January

The Transition

Transitions are tough, even good ones. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, transition is always the hardest part. It's the worst part of giving birth, moving is nice and all, but the transition part sucks, and apparently that is also true with jobs. A started his new job last week and the job is great but the transition a bit difficult.

I was telling him a few nights ago that I think what has made it hard for me is that we can't really talk during the day. At his last job, he was usually on gchat and I could always call him. This job is quite a bit more intense and he doesn't have an actual office yet so no phone calls and not chatting. So now I am feeling like a big teenager since we can't talk all day long. I realize that's not really a normal state of being but I sure did enjoy it!

The good part is that I have been getting a lot more done during the day without my husbandly distraction :) Anyway, at his old job we usually took care of business type stuff during the day--financial stuff, scheduling for the week, or social commitments. Now we have to do all that stuff when he gets home and for the first week or so I had a tough time going from taking care of business mode to relax and reconnect mode when he gets home. Also, I've been extra needy due to the decreased communication during the day which just sends us into a bad place with lots of miscommunications.

There are way more positives than negatives to this job though. A huge one is that he gets home for dinner. We love all having dinner together. We have both been getting up much earlier and accomplishing quite a bit more during the day as well. Plus it is just a better job, more suited to his skill-set. The first week was tough, the second week was easier, and I think this week will be much easier.

Plus this last weekend was truly excellent. Lots of good relaxing with the husband and the kiddos. I feel fortified for the week emotionally. We even made a five year plan! Who knows if we'll stick to it, but it feels good to be able to plan ahead and not just worry about making it through the month in the finances department.

November

P.S. Can I say how relieved I am that Jan is recovering well and declared healthy!! Thank you for all of the prayers for her.

Blogging as a private person

Guys I am having a problem. I keep running into bloggers block (new term that I am probably not the first person to think of), and I think I know why. I am a very private person, and for some reason the knowledge that this blog is anonymous does not sufficiently reassure my private brain. I have seen many times that the best blogs are the ones in which the writer shares deeply and honestly, and I know I do not do that. I share tidbits and stories, but when it comes to the deep stuff, I always think,'oh I can't write about that.' Lame right? I do the same thing in my friendships though. I am always being careful not to reveal too much, to keep certain parts of me well guarded. I hide my struggles and my weaknesses.

So my question to you our lovely readers (the proud, the few) is how do you decide what to share on your blogs and what to keep private? Then, how do you challenge yourselves to share more deeply in your blogs? I see in my life that the profound encounters occur when we share deeply of ourselves,and as a mirror image blogging is the same. We learn and grow when we are vulnerable, but of course we must be sure to use that vulnerability wisely. So tell me, how do you keep a good balance?

November

Why We Blog Together: January

November and I have been discussing friendship, particularly between someone dealing with infertility and a mama. We've both written out some of our thoughts on how we maintain our friendship and why we blog together. Below are my thoughts. We would love to hear your own thoughts on friendship!

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Lately, it seems like a lot of IFers online and quite a few of my friends in real life are becoming mothers. This is a wonderful and beautiful thing, and though it causes pain and jealousy in my own heart, I want to do nothing to lessen the joy of the occasion for them.

In fact, one of my biggest worries, particularly with my IRL friends, is that we won’t stay friends. I know rationally that my friendships are not currently based on our being parents or not; and I know that we could fall away from each other even if we were both having kids or neither of us were having kids. However, all IFers and former IFers know that there is a line that gets crossed when your friend becomes a mother, and no matter what you do, you can’t quite get over to your friend’s side.

I want my friends and family members with babies on the way to know that I’m still there for them. I will stand as close to them as I can from my side of the line and continue to offer my friendship. I know that our relationships are bound to change, but I do not want to lose them! (This is starting to feel like a battle speech where I’m riding a horse and raising my sword, hehe).

To that end, November’s and my blogging together is something of an experiment. We want to show each other and others how we stand close to each other on our respective sides of the line; that we can be good friends and support each other through everything.

Now, I know that it is not easy for an infertile girl to read about others getting pregnant and having babies and to see pictures and videos of first teeth and first birthdays. On the other hand, how tiresome it must be for those who conceive easily to read about poor mucus quality and medicine and the seemingly unending sadness. I suspect that our blog is not fun for very many people to read – the combo of mom stuff and IF stuff probably doesn’t fit a lot of people that well. We try to write about more than our respective places on the fertility spectrum, but I know that the vast majority of my ramblings take on a distinctly IF theme! (What can I say – ya’ll are my support group in a fertile, fertile, IVF world!).

Being close friends with November connects me more closely to motherhood. I love that she knows that I care about her and her family, and that she shares with me life’s triumphs and stresses. I admit that I’ve lived vicariously through her labors, her sweet newborns, and her sleepless nights. She doesn’t keep her motherhood behind her in our friendship; we meet each other at the line and she brings her babies for me to hold and play with. I love her for listening to me cry and complain about being infertile for, gosh, it would probably be three weeks of her life if all of those moments were laid side by side. I’m overjoyed when I see that bloggers who have connected with us while they were ttc or waiting to adopt have now become mothers, and that these ladies can now relate to Novie’s posts in a concrete way.

IFers will always need other IF friends, other waiting friends, because if you haven’t been through it, you cannot stand on our side of the line, and it can be such a lonely place. But I hereby declare that I will not let go of my friends who have crossed over and become mothers. Please don’t be afraid to stand close to the line. I will join you there.

-January

Why we blog together: November

January and I have been discussing friendship, particularly between someone dealing with infertility, and a mama. We've both written out some of our thoughts on how we maintain our friendship and why we blog together. Here are my thoughts.

We have many different kinds of friends in life, and quite honestly most friends are circumstantial. For instance, in college I had many people I was friends with due to circumstance--we had a ridiculous amount of classes together, or we had a lot of the same friends and ended up at the same parties. With friends like this, we tend to have a lot in common in that present state. After graduating from college, I left most of these friends behind because we did not have that commonality of circumstances anymore. Some of those friends were more than circumstantial friends, and we have remained friends due to a different kind of closeness.

Similarly, I have a few friends that I consider my ‘mom friends.’ It’s nothing against them, but when we get together it is for mom and kid interaction. Now a couple of these mom friends have turned into real deep friendships which is awesome! But I find nothing wrong with admitting that some friends you have are circumstantial. You support each other in your current state and move on when you no longer have the binding factor.

My point is that I think IF women and mothers are perfectly able to be friends, they just may not make great circumstantial friends (unless different circumstances than fertility unite them). January and I initially bonded over NFP right before I had L. As we have continued through life, we have both encountered big changes, but we’ve become more than circumstantial friends. We have listened to each others’ trials, worries, and joys. January and her husband were the ones who brought A and I breakfast at 5:30am after L was born. January has always been supportive and loving towards me. We have moved onto a deeper friendship that is about supporting each other as people rather than circumstance.

I also think that the fact that we are in different seasons of life can actually give us both perspective. For instance when I feel overwhelmed by diapers and whining, by just telling her my little woes she reminds me what a gift my little ones are.

We initially started blogging together because we liked the idea of women supporting each other through the different seasons of our lives. Cattiness and competition often reign supreme between women, and we believe that the more bonds of love and peace we can form with each other the better off we all are.

-November

How the last few months have really put us through the ringer

The month of December has been a rough one. Particularly these last couple of weeks. Really it was set off by me losing my job in October, but really came to a head in December. This entire month it has felt like we are hemorrhaging money. I have been a huge Grinch about Christmas I am sure, since I'm always calculating what we can spend. Lots of other things have been getting to me as well. So since I know you are interested, here are my complaints.

1. Finances/Jobs: Why are finances so dang hard? On the up side I just started a new job which I think will make things a bit more stable. But then I worry how I will handle working with a two year old and a newborn? So now I have two jobs, and two kids, and I don't know how I will do it all. I'm hoping this baby is pretty easy like L, since if we had something like colic come up it would get...interesting. A has been looking at new jobs and even had an interview a few days ago mainly because it would be so helpful if he could just make more. I know it kills him that we can't make it on his paychecks alone.

2. Kids: L has come into a new kind of phase that A keeps calling the terrible twos. I'm afraid he is correct. Mainly she is throwing lots of tantrums and has taken to demanding, well, everything. If her demands are not met then tantrum. It was still manageable until she started having sleeping issues. She has been going to bed at 7pm every night since she was 8 months old, and as often as people told me we were really lucky, I guess I forgot that it is the most awesome schedule ever. Suddenly she is resisting bed time and each night has become a struggle. I keep thinking she needs a later bed time, but she seems so grouchy and tired from 5pm on, that I have kept trying to get her to sleep earlier.

So this is where it gets interesting. Last night L completely lost it, and A put her to bed right about 7 since we agreed she must be tired from a busy day and needed to have some alone time to just go to sleep (gentle bedtimes have been rare lately). We put her to bed and could hear her yelling, "NO NO NO!!" from her bedroom, but knew she would soon tire out. I was just letting my heart rate from the day go down, when L suddenly emerges from her room, walks into the living room and begins bellowing her displeasure at being put to bed. Holy crap, she can now climb out of her crib. And open her door. And apparently she learned to do these things on the same night.

She finally went to sleep in her crib an hour later, but I felt completely defeated. She has been a pretty good sleeper for a long time, and it just felt unjust that she would suddenly start having issues right before we are having a whole new baby!! AAaHHHHHhh

3. Marriage: It's not that marriage has been that hard, it's more that everything else has been so stressful it makes us both testy, and consequently testy with each other. I know part of it is how hormonal since I'm so late in the pregnancy game, which has lead to lots of crying, and what guy isn't stressed out by his lady crying? We've had lots of purely logistical talking, and not much just chill out time talking. In the last few weeks we've watched like three of those crass comedy movies just to try and chill out together for a while (it actually works pretty well...we even finally watched The Hangover). I'm hoping that having this next week off after Christmas gives us some time to be more calm with each other.

This is my official whiney post since January told me I should whine more :) Fortunately I am writing all this right before we get our week off between Christmas and New Years, and it is going to rock!! We are going to stay up late together watching movies and eating junk food, get the baby stuff ready to go, play in the backyard, and reconnect as much as possible. We are even planning a fancy date night in the city.

-November

Bridging the Divide Between Abundant Fertility and Possible Infertility

My family is fertile. Dang fertile.  Granted I have a huge extended family, so it's possible some of my aunts struggled, but it sure doesn't look that way.  My mother has 9 living siblings (two deceased), and the less religious of them have a couple of kids, while my very catholic aunt and uncle have 11 children.  Almost all of my married cousins have had children quickly and easily, and a few are up to four children. 

However, growing up I wanted to be a nun. Part of this was due to a childhood zest for holy things, and partly it was because I didn't want to have kids.  I loved families, and I loved big families, but all the moms I knew seemed completely down-trodden and exhausted, devoid of dreams and imagination.  Perhaps I misinterpreted the mothers in my life, but the idea that mothers ceased to exist as anything but caretakers rang true for me, and I did not want to be that.  I wanted to be awesome--like Olympic gymnast awesome. 

As I got older I realized that perhaps some moms were really doing what they liked and that it might be ok.  Plus boys were suddenly really cute.  In college, realizing I was probably called to marriage and not religious life, I accepted the fact that I would probably have to have kids, and probably a lot of them.  And the rest of the story you mostly know. I met and fell in love with A, and we had a baby long before we were ready.  I am now eight months pregnant with our second baby.  It has been hard, and strangely perfect. 

However, in the last few years I've realized that not everyone gets pregnant easily.  I know this sounds naive to all you ladies out there struggling with infertility, but I really thought that having a hard time getting pregnant was really really rare.  I knew it happened, but I didn't know anyone personally that it had happened to.  When I was beginning college I found out my step-mom and dad had been trying to have a baby for quite a while, so this was my first encounter.  However, they were not very open about it with me (I imagine it's not something a woman would want to discuss with her 19 year old step-daughter), and I assumed it was due to my step-mom's age (she was in her mid-thirties when they started trying). Another reason I had not encountered many with this issue is that at that age most of my friends were not married, and consequently not in the baby game. 

In the last two years I have come to know two women who have struggled with fertility.  First, when we moved into our house our neighbors had just adopted a little boy.  Their little boy was only two weeks older than L, and I quickly started hanging out with his mom, M.  She was very open about her six-year struggle to conceive before they successfully adopted.  I was amazed by her openness and about the ordeal, and I asked lots of questions since she seemed so open.  I was able to hear about her experience with endometriosis, struggling to conceive, learning to deal with pregnancy announcements,and finally adoption.  January and I had already been friends for quite a while, but she and her husband were still avoiding pregnancy.  She shared her experiences with NFP with me, and helped me find resources to use it post-partum.  It was quite a bonding experience for us discussing such intimate things in our lives.  She was overjoyed at the birth of our little daughter and was completely accepting of our unexpected pregnancy which was something that I really needed at that point.  We often shared our struggles and joys in using NFP, and discussed life in general.  She would often tell me of their discussions over when to try and have a child, and I would worry over getting pregnant again.  When she told me in the fall after L was born that she and her husband I decided to stop avoiding pregnancy and start trying to conceive, I was ecstatic.  I was convinced she would be pregnant within a few months and we could continue to bond over having children. 

As months went by and Jan shared her disappointment at the many negative pregnancy tests and unwelcome periods, we've had to navigate how to be good friends to each other while going through different phases in life.  We already worked on this while I had a baby and she did not, but it has taken on a new dimension now in her struggles to conceive. 

And now to the point of this post, and our efforts to bridge the divide between the super-fertile and the sub-fertile.  L is now almost two and we are having a second baby in a month, and Jan has been trying to conceive for over a year.  I've gotten a glimpse into the world of infertility, with all it's crazy tests, and extreme heartache.  It seems that in life there is often a divide between women with children, and women without, and it looks like dealing with infertility can make it even more pronounced.  It makes sense when you think about it. I'm sure it is often heart wrenching for a lady desperately wanting to have a child to hang out with a woman who has a child (or two), and conceives easily.  Plus since infertility is such a misunderstood issue, it's easy for us to say things that are quite hurtful to sufferers--from complaining about diapers to pregnancy pain, these complaints must sound petty to a woman who longs to change little diapers and experience all the ups and downs of pregnancy. 

Conversely those of us with normal fertility don't always know what to say to a lady suffering with IF. Particularly for a Catholic woman blessed with loads of fertility, we are usually wondering if we'll be caring for toddlers well into our forties (I know there's nothing wrong with this, but as I've shared before, I find the idea a bit overwhelming), and trying to manage the craziness of raising babies and maintaining sanity. 

So yes, all of this is against us being friends.  But we need each other.  One of our purposes in starting this blog together is to explore how women in different states in life can understand and support each other.  We are women trying to live out faith, and our vocations well.  And I hope as much as possible that we can be there for each other even across this divide.  I consider it often, both with my friendship with Jan, and considering most of our readers seem to be from the infertility camp. 

Here is what I've observed so far in relating to women with IF.  First off, I try to listen as much as possible. And ask questions which is pretty easy since I know so little about actively trying to conceive.  Listening and asking questions helps me to know what Jan is going through as much as possible.  And when she shares with me, and I know I just don't get it due to lack of experience I tell her that.  but at the same time, I have felt pain before, I have felt sad and rejected before, and although it's different than the particular IF cross I think that knowing how these feelings feel, gives me sympathy.  As nervous as I get sometimes about my overabundance of fertility, I know it is an easier thing to deal with than IF.  The pain is so intense in women who go through it.  It is a truly unique kind of cross, and I can only marvel at their faith and strength.  The desire to be a mother is so strong, and so admirable. 

Although I can't fully understand the cross of infertility, I want to be there for Jan and others as much as I possibly can.  I'm hoping that by staying involved in the trilas of each other's lives we can stay close and keep from being separated by the differences in our challenges in life.

To all you other ladies out there struggling with infertility, do you have any other suggestions of how to be a good friend to someone on the outside?

-November

Taking Time for Each Other: Parents

A and I jumped into parenthood pretty fast.  We had L four months before our wedding (more on that situation later).  Consequently, as soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we needed to learn how to create couple time for ourselves with an infant to care for. In some ways, having to deal with baby-raising immediately was good for us.  We never had to let go of limitless alone time,  because we never had it in the first place! We were newly-married and knew we needed time minus baby to connect emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. 

At times it has been really hard.  Sometimes all we want to do is have a lazy afternoon, curl up and watch a movie together, but instead L is going nuts and requires our attention and energy.  We've learned that when we are craving time alone, we have to make each other a promise to be together as soon as the opportunity arises. It is something we started out vocalizing, which helped for me especially in feeling cared for, but now we don’t always need to spell it out for each other. Simply saying, “Hey tonight let’s just hang out,” is often all it takes to remind each other that we need to be together.  Now, when we know our relationship requires something more planned out, we can make that happen too.  For instance, if I suggest we go on a date on the weekend A knows this means we need to make it happen, and vice versa. We take date suggestions seriously, and make them happen quickly.

Here are some other key strategies for keeping our relationship healthy and well-tended:

Organization: For me, this often just means naming a time! We'll decide that Saturday night we will have an ‘us’ night--what we actually do together is less important than just setting the time aside.  Organization also comes into play when we are planning an out-of-house date (we tend to have lots of in-house dates). 

Spontaneity: Along with being organized, we have found spontaneity is key in maintaining our closeness.  This may sound like it is at odds with organization, but they're really both important! This means when L randomly takes a nap on a Saturday afternoon, we often run straight to the bedroom!  It means we make romance for each other in the little things: A might bring home a bottle of wine from work and ask if I want to take a bath that evening, or I will offer to give him a backrub while we are watching a movie.

Always put each other first: Most importantly, in the short time we’ve been married, we have striven to put our marriage first. Growing up, I saw lots of couples who let children take over their relationship. Obviously kids are a huge responsibility, and take up huge amounts of time, and a couple needs to take care of their children together. But we decided right away to allow the experience of raising kids to pull us together rather than apart. When L was about six months old, we decided it was of dire necessity that we get her into a more predictable sleep pattern; she wasn't going to bed until ten o'clock or later, and our relationship was suffering! We began trying out new ways to get her to sleep earlier and within a month were enjoying her new 7pm bedtime.

We are having a new baby in January, and I sometimes worry that with a two year old and a newborn we will have a hard time adjusting.  We will have less time for just each other, particularly in the first couple of months, but as long as we continue to prioritize each other and our time together, our alone time will feel that much more special.  I'll let you know how it goes!

--November

January's First Infertility Appointment

My husband and I went to our first infertility appointment last week. I had a P+7 blood draw because it just happened to be the right day, the doctor gave me an order for a hysterosalpingogram (HSG for short), and gave the husband a “Catholic collection kit,” as I'm calling it, because who doesn't like alliteration? We already have a follow-up scheduled for six weeks from now.

Dr. C was pretty great. She explained briefly some of the different things that could be going on, and how we'd go about detecting them. I felt like she really paid attention to us and gave us her time. Another thing I appreciated was that the office the very next day to inform me about the blood draw results. (They were normal, BTW). The nurse said, “Dr. C just wanted me to make sure I called you and let you know.” That might not seem like much, but I know they have a crazy-busy office, so it left a good impression.

The appointment, or, more accurately, its immediate aftermath, highlighted to me a key difference between me and my husband. Before we drove to work in our separate cars, I wanted to debrief about what we had heard and learned. Hubby was confused. “We have pamphlets and we can talk about it later. Dr. C explained everything, what's there to discuss?” I, on the other hand, kept saying “I just want to talk about it.” We went back and forth like this for a good minute, until husband was angry and I burst into tears.

“I'm just feeling overwhelmed by everything we learned,” I squeaked out.

Instantly, he understood. It turns out that he felt empowered by all of the information that had been shared with us, and he was ready to start knocking things off of the list. On the other hand, I have been reading up on fertility problems for months and already had a rough idea of the many things that could be going on. Being told by a doctor made them official and real; suddenly, any or all of them might actually apply to me.

So, my husband let me talk about my fears, we hugged it out, and as we each drove off to work, I began to feel better. We're going to start figuring out what there is to figure out!

Now that I look back on this interaction, how educational it was! My understanding is that men and women think differently from each other—I know my husband and I do—so communication is key. During our little spiraling argument, I thought that what I had been doing was communicating. It turns out that this was a lesson in exactly what I need to communicate. Husband needs a reason to discuss things, so first, I must communicate about why I want to communicate. Ah, marriage. Thanks to you, I shall never be done learning.

-January

P.S. - I'm trying not to be nervous about the HSG. Anyone want to share their not-too-scary story with me to give me courage?

P.P.S – Has anyone encountered resistance to their “Catholic collection kit” at the lab? Dr. C warned us that this could happen.